Fuck yeah I am! Let's get this shit started

Wiki~> http://editthis.info/scp_wiki/Main_Page

I'll start by posting of the ones that were posted in the last thread way after it was auto-sage'ing

Item#: SCP-156

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-156 is to be kept in a hermetically sealed room at all times. Temperatures must be kept below 60 degrees Fahrenheit (15.5 degrees Celsius). Access to SCP-156’s room is restricted to Class D Personnel. When personnel enter SCP-156's room, no fewer than 2 may enter at any time and all personnel must be wearing Class IV Biohazard suits. In the event of suit failure, the offending person must be removed to the inner decontamination lock and Decontamination Procedure 2* enacted. In the event that the chamber is breached, the facility housing SCP will be flooded with Liquid Nitrogen and a dead lock seal enabled.

Description: Item SPC-156 appears to be a gray mold no more than 2 centimeters thick. Tests have shown that SPC-156 reacts quickly to temperatures above 70 degrees Fahrenheit (21 degrees Celsius), growing exponentially. When exposed to temperatures above 70 degrees Fahrenheit, SPC-156 doubles in size every 2 minutes. Higher temperatures increase the speed of growth exponentially. SPC-156 was first found in a trailer on the outskirts of a small city near the US/Mexico border. The growth had control over 14 people living in the nearby town. The infected showed no symptoms unless wounded, at which point the blood of the infected was seen to be a grayish color. The infected seem to be under the mental control of SCP-156, which appears to be sentient, and desires sources of heat. First attempts at eradication involving fire were disastrous, resulting in the loss of 2 containment teams.

*Decontamination Procedure 2: The inner decontamination lock is to be flooded with liquid nitrogen and sealed for 5 minutes. After the requisite time has passed, Class D Personnel are to enter the inner decontamination lock and seal the body inside a Class 3 Container, to be stored in SCP-156’s chamber.

Item#: SCP-077

Special Containment Procedures: Item is kept on a periodically rotating motorized pedestal at all times. If SCP-077 is to be experimented upon, personnel may use the computer terminal below the pedestal to manually rotate SCP-077. Personnel are NOT permitted to remove SCP-077 from its pedestal without level-4 or higher clearance. If SCP-077 is to be transferred to another facility, it must be carried in the container labelled KARTOFFELBREI in the alcove in SCP-077 containment room entryway. Three times daily, level-2 personnel must enter SCP-077's room to ensure that the pedestal is rotating SCP-077 properly. If SCP-077 is not granted full 360 degree rotation along all three axes, contact a level-3 or higher supervisor.

Description: Recovered in a ruined laboratory in Russland, 1983. Moved to Area 28 on 3 June 1983. SCP-077 is a black sphere roughly 9cm in diameter, with a hairline slit bisecting the sphere for a distance of about 30 degrees. Microscopic inspection suggests that the slit was deliberatly cut using a fine saw. SCP-077 is made of a glassy substance resembling a one-way mirror with remarkable efficiency. All light shined onto the sphere is absorbed and seems to be reflected by the mirrored interior lining indefinitely, until it is rotated to the point that light can exit the slit. Attempts to guage the reflective index of the mirror have proved inconclusive. Tests performed with lasers have shown no measurable loss of brightness in any electrognetic frequency given several days. Composition is unknown, no one has attempted to chip a sample for fear of shattering.

Additional notes: SCP-077 is a moderate-risk potentially lethal object. The civilian who discovered SCP-077 was cut in half by the discharge of sunlight as soon as he picked it up. His death is on record as having been caused by radioactive fallout.

Item#: SCP-019

Secure Containment Procedure: Item SCP-019 is to be kept in a securely locked containment cell, covered with at least 5 feet of lead and at least 30 feet of concrete. The cell is to be seperated by a double air-lock with reinforced shielded bulkheads and is to be equipped with its own atmosphere and temperature regulation system. The room is to be kept below -10 degrees Celsius (-50 Fahrenhiet) at all times. In the event of power failure, a backup generator will activate. Should the backup generator fail, liquid nitrogen will be fed in SCP-019's cell at a constant rate with enough to last for 10 hours. No fewer than 5 personnel may enter SCP-019's cell at any given time. All personnel entering SCP-019's cell must wear armored class IV anti-radiation anti-electrical suits (HAZMAT-cIV). At least three personnel entering SCP-019's cell are to be equiped with liquid nitrogen spray guns to subdue SCP-019 if nessecery.

>>453372

Description: Found in the wreck of a Russian nuclear submarine in the Artic Ocean. SCP-019 is the size of an adult human male and is composed of a glowing pale green translucent material with its skeletal system visible. SCP-019 emits high power gamma radiation at all times and has a strong electric current capable of subduing unarmored personnel by touch. SCP-019 has an average body temperature of 30 degrees Celsius (86 degrees Fahrenheit) in its cell. As the body temperature of SCP rises, its radiatiol and electrical output increases exponentially (increasing by a factor of 1.768942 for every 10 degrees). SCP-019's normal body temperature is unknown. SCP-019 possese roughly five times the strength of a physical fit human male and is extremely hostile and will attack at the first chance possible. SCP-019 posseses rudamentary intelligence and has been conditioned to not attack through high pressure blasts of liquid nitrogen. SCP-019 is to be fed a live chicken once every three days. SCP-019's containment cell is to be cleaned of radioactive dust and excrement weekly.

>>453373
it's 4chan.

I was just looking at the SCP wiki...

What fucking retarded stoner wrote the "paranormally addictive beef jerky" SCP and why hasn't it been removed...

>>453387
see
>>453379

HI, I’M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN’S WEARHOUSE. YOUR MOTHER MAY HAVE BEEN BLESSED MORE TIMES BY THE SACRED WHITE RIVER OF MY PELVIC PALADIN, BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO GIVE ME THE GREEN EYE OF JEALOUSY, MY COCK-LOVING CAVALIER. BETWEEN US, TONIGHT WILL BE RELIGIOUS RAPTURE, FOR YOUR ANAL CLEFT SHALL BE MY GREAT SEA, AND I SHALL BE ITS MOSES, CLEAVING ITS MIGHTY CHOCOLATE OCEAN TO MAKE WAY FOR THE SAFE PASSAGE OF MY TESTICULAR TRIBE, HAVING BEEN GRANTED MEPHITIC FREEDOM FROM THE TYRANNY OF ENSLAVEMENT BEHIND A LOCKED PROSTATE. TO DO THIS, I WILL READY MY LONGINUS TO PIERCE YOUR BACKSIDE’S SACRED DOMAIN — YOU WILL SCREAM FIRST IN PAIN, THEN IN PASSION AS ITS STEEL-LADEN GIRTH STRETCHES AND RIPS THE FABRIC OF YOUR MORTAL INNARDS, DISIMBUING YOU OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS, LEADING YOU TO A HEAVEN, THEN REVIVING YOUR FEELING OF PHYSICAL REALITY LIKE A ONCE-CRUCIFIED CHRIST RETURNING TO EARTH. I GUARANTEE IT.

Item#: SCP-066

Secure Containment Procedure: SCP-066 is to be placed in its hermetically sealed containment tank. Under no circumstance SCP-066 to be removed from its tank without the supervision of at least level 3 personnel. Prior to removing SCP-066 from its containment tank, it is to be flooded with bromine for no fewer than 467 seconds. SCP-066 is to be returned to its tank within under 77.38 minutes. In the event of a failure to comply with above procedures, the room is to be flooded with chlorine gas and all personnel terminated. Containment team XCT-801, XTC-802, or XTC-803 are to report to place SCP-066 back in its tank. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE IS SCP-066 ALLOWED TO SEE HUMAN SKIN. All personnel are required to wear full body suits with relfective one-way masks. Should SCP-066 make visual contant with human skin, all non-affected personnel are to immediately evacuate the room within 30 seconds and the room then flooded with chlorine gas. Containment team XCT-801, XTC-802, or XTC-803 are to report to place SCP-066 back in its tank.

Description: SCP-066 was discovered in an aged metal crate in a shipwreck of the coast of South Africa. Transfered to Site 17 Gamma Facility in 1999. SCP-066's natural form is unknown. SCP-066 appears as [066-1056T], except is completely hollow below the skin and it's eyes are completely black with red pupils and irises. SCP-066 appears impervious to damage and is capable of high speed regeneration. SCP-066, upon making eye contact, the victim's body appears to transfer to SCP-066. This process takes approximately 77 seconds to complete, with the taking of the face taking roughly 39% of the process. When unable to witness flesh, SCP-066 is capable of influencing the minds of those around it, compelling them to disrobe.

Item# SCP-014
Special Containment Procedures: 014’s holding cell is to remain locked at all times. Personnel of sufficient clearance (as determined by facility administrator) may be admitted to view 014 after submitting a formal request in advance. Anyone handling SCP-014 needn’t take any special precautions, though common sense dictates that one should wash their hands afterwards.
Appearance: SCP-014 takes the form of an antique dinner fork, well worn, and as near as can be estimated, not cleaned since the 1890’s. The object is fashioned from the electroplated nickel-silver typical of the suspected period of its manufacture and the rightmost tine is bent slightly outward. Brown stains and mold adorn the prongs and the pits of the decorative parts of the handle. Analysis of this material seems to indicate that SCP-014 was last used on some form of beef.

SCP-014 was moved to this facility in the early Seventies and seems, for all intents and purposes, to be an entirely mundane dinner fork. If it is possessed of any extra-ordinary qualities, these are known only to those in the very highest echelon of this project’s coordinators, whose representatives assure us that 014 is, quote “Very Important”. Officers who have spent time alone with SCP-014 are unanimous in their appreciation that the object is of great significance (hence its continued presence at this site), though none can quite say why [see >>Testimony of Major XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX, February, 1972].
No tests on SCP-014 are authorized. Any personnel observed attempting to compromise 014 in any way are to be shot on sight.

>>453372
>-10 degrees Celsius (-50 Fahrenhiet)
-10C = 14F

>>453426
thanks, must have made a typo when calculating that

>>453433
no. you're just fucking stupid.

Does EVERY SINGLE SCP have to have the exact same shit in it? "No less than 3 people", "chamber must be flooded with XXX Gas/Liquid", and the effects are always spontaneous insanity and hemorrhaging.

>>453440
The part I don't like about a lot of these newer ones is that nobody gives any reason WHY the particular procedures are necessary.

Take>>453410for example. What's the point of the bromine flooding? What happens after the listed time?

>>453413
Utter shit. Fuck off and die.

SCP-133 - ACME Instant Holes
SCP-743 - Paranormally addictive Jerky
and
SCP-972 - The Sphere

should all really be placed into the joke section. They aren't cute and odd like the winged horse and Josie, they're just stupid.

Item #: SCP-831

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-831 is to remain in a vacuum-sealed container in a freezer kept at or below 265K at all times. Personnel looking after SCP-831 must check the container for any leakages, and must wear heat-resistant material while doing so. If the container housing SCP-831 is compromised, SCP-831 must be immersed in liquid nitrogen IMMEDIATELY and must remain there until a replacement container can be found.

Description: SCP-831 is a thick, partially melted and lit candle. The candle remains alight and resists all efforts to extinguish it, continuing to produce heat even in liquid nitrogen. Exposure to oxygen causes the heat and flame produced by the candle to increase exponentially. Currently located in an underground installation in Maralinga; discovery and initial experiments with SCP-831 were successfully disguised as nuclear tests.

Item#: SCP-076A

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-076A is not to be removed from the room it is held in without level-4 clearance. When personnel must enter the room of SCP-076A, only one person may enter unless an emergency occurs in which SCP-076B must be destroyed. Under normal circumstances, SCP-076B may be removed from SCP-076A. However, the former is to be returned to the latter before personnel leaves the room. In the event that SCP-076B becomes hostile, please observe Protocol 076-2BA.

Description: Found in the Kanto region of Japan, moved to Site 19 September 29, 1998. Item SPC-076A is a hinged spherical container about four inches in diameter, made of an unknown polymer. A grey button on the seam opposite the hinge opens SCP-076B. Item displays many anomalous physical properties, the causes and implications of which are not yet fully understood. The area inside SCP-076A seems to be much larger than the item's volume; the interior area is at least a cubic meter but has not yet been fully measured. SCP-076A only seems able to store organic matter, and all attempts to fill it with water to guage its capacity have failed.

Additional notes: See SCP-076B

>>453446
Done.

Also added in>>453314

>>453444
I thought that it was obvious that it was nessecery to nullify its abilities. There are a lot of things in the list that don't specifically list why some of the precautions are needed.

But anywho i'll fix it for>>453410since I think its pretty cool

Description: SCP-066 was discovered in an aged metal crate in a shipwreck of the coast of South Africa. Transfered to Site 17 Gamma Facility in 1999. SCP-066's natural form is unknown. SCP-066 appears as [066-1056T], except is completely hollow below the skin and it's eyes are completely black with red pupils and irises. SCP-066 appears impervious to damage and is capable of high speed regeneration, however when exposed to halogens (effectiveness increasing with period), SCP-066's body collapses and its regeneration is greatly reduced. SCP-066, upon making eye contact, the victim's body appears to transfer to SCP-066. This process takes approximately 77 seconds to complete, with the taking of the face taking roughly 39% of the process. When unable to witness flesh, SCP-066 is capable of influencing the minds of those around it, compelling them to disrobe.

Item#: SCP-076B

Special Containment Procedures: Item must be kept in SCP-076A when neither are being studied. SCP-076B must never be in the presence of more than one person; past experiences involving multiple people have lead to hostility from SCP-076B. Protocol 076-2BA is permitted should SCP-076B become hostile.

Description: Found in the Kanto region of Japan, moved to Site 19 September 29, 1998 along with Item SPC-076A. SCP-076B is a fully animate inorganic lifeform resembling a crudely sculpted statue, weighing 662 lbs. Body of creature resembles a boulder or geode of unknown composition. Lab tests performed on mineral samples from the creature show that its skin is electrically nonconductive and impervious to fire, although it hates water. SCP-076B exhibits at least ape-level intelligence, and it even seems capable of crude speech, but its vocabulary seems very limited. It can only say "golem," although it understands (and rarely obeys) most commands spoken to it.

Additional notes: See SCP-076A

Maybe joke ones should have the specification SCP-###j so that they don't use up valuable numbers.

Item #: SCP-003

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-003 is currently housed in a pleasant green-house installation underneath Hangar O-344. The sub-terranean installation mimics the day and night and seasons cycles of the surface to a very fine degree. It is accompanied by greenery and must be allowed to roam freely within the enclosure. SCP-003 must be fed exactly 888 grains of rice every 2 hours and 30 minutes. Personnel tasked with feeding Item SCP-003 must wear protective gloves and eye-wear. A full-body protective suit is not advised as they could hamper the mobility of personnel. Such personnel must be warned to feed SCP-003 *exactly* 888 grains of rice, as failure to provide that exact number will agitate SCP-003, halting production and potentially endangering the lives of personnel tasked with feeding.

Description: SCP-003 has the outward appearance of a clockwork silkworm, except for its size, which is that of a small carriage. Unlike its biological brethren, this item moves with marked celerity - when agitated, it has been known to pounce upon personnel, using its sharp metallic mandibles to bite at their hands and face. So long as it is fed the exact amount of 888 grains of rice every 2.30 hours, it produces strings of nano-matter that is extremely vital for our research. Failure to feed it in this precise fashion agitates SCP-003, as mentioned above. Aside from attacking feeding personnel, the item will also emit a piercing shriek at irregular intervals. This sonic attack is highly damaging to human tissue (and only human tissue). However, the sonic bursts are highly focused, so it is possible for personnel to dodge the blasts if anticipated. Failure to feed it regularly for extended periods of time allegedly triggers a lethal metamorphosis. Historically, Extinction Events I and II were the direct results of failure to attend properly to its older siblings. SCP-003 is the last of its kind.

Item#: SCP-901

Special Containment Procedure: SCP-901 is to be guarded by armed level-2 personnel at all times. All personnel that come within 5 feet of SCP-901 without authortization are to be immediately terminated. Personnel authorized to touch SCP-901 may only do so under the supervision of level-4 personnel and are required to be shackled before doing so. All personnel attempting to move SCP-901 are to be terminated. All personnel that fail to report back after 169.31 hours have elapsed are to be terminated.

Description: SCP-901 appears to be an ornate mirror with gold trim dating from the 17th century. SCP-901 does not reflect living beings nor any non-metallic clothing they are wearing. When touched by a person, it renders said person completely invisible to all light below the x-ray spectrum. 169.31 hours later, the person becomes covered in a wet mirror-like film and once again becomes visible. Within 30 seconds of appearing the film appears to dry out and crumble into reflective sand particles. The composition of the mirror sand is underterminated and appears completely smooth and spherical even at the nanoscale level. All mirror sand is to be collected for further analysis.

>>453466
we already have a 003

>>453372
should be added to the wiki Lofwyr, its pretty good

Links on the main page were changed to ###j, but they don't go anything. You forgot to rename the pages themselves.

Also, add>>453315please?

>>453315
also a good one that deserves to be added

I'd help set up pages but i dont know how to make new pages

>>453470
Done - complete with picture - and going to bed now.

>>453471
Yep.

Does any one know where these are being kept? I want to see if the ones I made ages ago got in. Something about a living statue teleporting about in a maze was one, and another was the incredibly contagious mid-decomposing carcass of an alien creature.

Item#: SCP-319

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-319 is to be kept in a locked container within a standard containment unit. Guards are to be stationed outside of the container at all times. All personnel entering the containment unit are required to wear explosive-lined vests in order to terminate them should they become compromised by SCP-319. No personnel are authorized directly touch SCP-319, all personnel in violation of this protocal are to have their vests detonated immediately. In the event an individual is compromised and their vest fails, the room to be immediately secured by any containment team in the range of XCT-100 to XCT-199, use of explosives is authorized and recommended.

Description: SCP-319 is a shovel with a rusted spade head that is always covered with wet blood. All attempts to remove the blood have failed as have all attempts to damage the head of the shovel. SCP-319 exerts a small, but ever present pull on people's minds to draw them toward it. When picked up, the artifact compels the holder to immediately attack the closest target. SCP-319 is though unknown means, able to increase the durability of the holders body and is even able to animate after confirmed termination, however dismembering the holder is highly effective at rendering the artifact inert again. Additionally SCP-319 is capable of penetrating any matter as if it soft dirt and through expirimentation can detect life signs up to 300.548752 meters (986.052335 feet) away, and always compels its holder to move in that direction.

Hey, just stepped onto /x/, noticed this SCP stuff before though.

What exactly is the story behind this SCP business, its meaning, etc?

Or just a fictional "military documentation of unexplained objects"?

>>453566
I guess you could call it a "creative writing project." People would post the text and pic found on this page http://editthis.info/scp_wiki/SCP-173 approxiamtely whenever the fuck they felt like it. This has been going on since even before the creation of /x/, when people posted it on /b/. Where the picture or the copypasta originated I have no idea. Anyway, the pic and copypasta inspired people to create thier own, and this thread and the wiki are some of the results.

>>453576
Link to wiki?

>>453580

>>453582
Goddamn.

Item#: SCP-983

Special containment procedures: Item SCP-983 is to be kept in total darkness at all times, and the temperature must not exceed 303.15K (30 degrees celsius exactly) Item SCP-983 must only be handled by one person at a time and should not be handled for more than 30 seconds at a time and it is recommended the member of personnel holding the item wear gloves containing both lead and asbestos. breathing apparatus is also advised. In the event of a contamination breach, the facility will dead seal and be fillwed with helium, followed by a sealing off with lead.

Item description: the item appears to be a human index finger made of gold. the design is highly intricate, and there appear to be no signs of machine work on the item. any substance put in direct contact with the end of the "finger" will be transmuted through an unkown process into gold with the exception of lead, and helium due to their stable structures. Asbestos for reasons unknown takes a longer time to be affected than other materials. The item itself was discovered in acient greek ruins in a large house bearing the name MIDAS.

>>453609
This needs to be on the wiki, gaiz, srsly.

GOIN TO CLASS, BAI, LOL

scp sucked at first, but its quickly getting much better than holders.

Did anyone see the one about the gender-switching rock. That had some humour in it.

>>453628
srsly?

>>453609
>lead, and helium due to their stable structures

I thought helium was a gas. If it is, does the finger have to be kept in a vacum? And helium isnt even that stable, an electron arangment of two.


Get the rest of the noble gasses in there too.
(Neon, Argon, Krypton, Xenon and Radon)

>>453701
Stable structures is the wrong term for an element.

All of them have stable structures or they wouldn't be elements.

The stability is more relevant to their reactivity etc.

And helium is an inert gas due to the highest energy shell being full.

Existing in a 1s2 configuration, it has a full outer shell. If a gas is present its not a vacuum.

Item#: SCP-887

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-887 is to be kept in a hermetically sealed room at all times. Temperatures must be kept at 110 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not allow temperature to rise above or below 110 degrees. Even one degree below and Item 887 will quickly turn it's surroundings into sheer ice no matter what the substance any thing above 110 degrees will cause Item 887 to produce half the heat of the sun..Item 887 appears to be a simple ball of steel. Item-887 was found in the Nevada desert by one subject. Name: James Pedobearingson. Subject claims he saw Item-887 "fall from the sky". Subject Pedobearingson has been kept in containment cell 427 for questioning. Subject is to be brain wiped or erased choice is left to person in highest command. Access to SCP-887's room is not permitted for anyone of any Class do to the fact that body heat will alter room temperature..Until exactly 0800 hours and until 0900 hours Item-887 is "sleeping" within time frame. No special pro-cautions are needed. No one lower then class C is permitted.

*IMPORTANT*

Newest test on 887 show that it is in some way "alive". During last test Item-887 was placed in a bowl filled with water when subject reached bottom of water bowl Item-887 began to "panic" it rolled around bottom of bowl until enough force was mustered to leap from bowl and fall back down cracking the bowl and causing a water leak.....More tests are very much needed.

no no no no no and no
most of this reads like bad fanfic

Item#: SCP-463
Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-463 is to be kept in a locked room. No extra security measures have been deemed necessary for containment as SCP-463 is inanimate. Only personnel with Level 3 clearance or higher are allowed to enter with a minimum of two personnel. Under no circumstances are personnel allowed in alone, regardless of clearance. All entering personnel are subject to a Blue Intensity mental health examination immediately afterwards before being granted leave and are to be monitored by security for a minimum of 30 days.

Description: Item SCP-463 is a plastic doll with joints at the arms and legs measuring approximately two feet tall with slight variations in size and acute variations in appearance on different occasions. SCP-463 appears incapable of direct harm and exhibits no extraordinary physical properties. Assumed to be inanimate.

Any drastic changes in the doll’s appearance, especially to any characteristics of familiar personnel, are to be reported immediately, and all personnel having had interaction with SCP-463 in the past month are to be immediately detained. Should screening fail to match any personnel’s characteristics to any perceived changes to SCP-463, the group is to be immediately terminated.

>>453727

>All of them have stable structures or they wouldn't be elements.

What about covalent/ionic bonds? (I can nev0r remember which is which)
Don't that happen for them to become stables?

>The stability is more relevant to their reactivity etc.

No shit. If it's getting turned into gold, aint that some kinda reaction?

>And helium is an inert gas due to the highest energy shell being full.

Yesh, I forgott.

>If a gas is present its not a vacuum.

Yeah, I knows, but if it aint going to react with helium, wont it react with oxygen or nitrogen or something in the air? I was sugesting a vacum.

Has anyone made a 433?

/x/ newfag here

How did this get started?

>>453789

An e/x/pert hacked the pentagram, and got out with SCP-173. We post more up to desguise it as a prank.

>>453781
sorry guys, my chemistry ain't up to scratch.I geuss it should be in a vacuum.

>>453781

Yeah but even after a covalent or ionic reaction you still have the base elements there Table Salt (NaCl) is still sodium and chlorine at the base level and as such the structure is stable.

Theoretically if the finger is only converting solids then any gas at room temperature will be fine.

>>453810
ok i fixed it on the wiki.

I'm reading through these and it keeps mentioning things that are "Keter level" what tdoes that mean?

>>453815
>even after a covalent or ionic reaction you still have the base elements there Table Salt (NaCl) is still sodium and chlorine at the base level and as such the structure is stable.

It's worth noting for this entire discussion that transmuting one element to another has nothing to do with chemistry or chemical reactions. We're talking about nuclear physics now.

A nucleus has valence and magic numbers that it likes to be at just like electrons do, an element that's reactive chemically can have an exceptionally stable nucleus and vis versa.

>>453823
IT'S FREAKING MAGIC.

>>453820

Im gussing someone made it up. After googleing it I can only get business about gardening.

>>453826
It's the highest sphere of consciousness in the Qabbalah or some shit.

Also lul, I tried, can I have some constructive criticism for>>453413plox?

Hey guys, I had posted one in last thread that got approved. It's long though, so if someone could explain to me how to add it to the wikki, that'd be fine.

>>453892
>>453413

Tis a bit too conspricyey, you could do the same with anything, and still have a half decent result. kinda pointless.

>>453892
Yeah, sorry about the snappiness - wasn't doing so well last night. I guess I just didn't like the apparent lack of reason in it (and probably missed a joke in the process).

431-PCS rof serudecorp tnemniatnoc laicepS

em pleh enoemos esaelp no gniog si tahw dog ho eb ot sraeppa 431-PCS

>>453826
The writer made it up for his particular object. OOPart's right too.

Item#: SCP-691

Special Containment Procedures: At the time of this log, item SCP-691 is located deep within a glacier located at [COODINATES CLASSIFIED]. It was relocated after an incident at Site 19. Attached to this report is a log of said incident. Since the time of the incident, O5-3 has decided that only Level 4 personnel are to be permitted to access the object, and no more then two at a time. If, whilst accessing the object, the personnel begin to severely perspire or dehydrate for no apparent reason, they are to be terminated immediately. Should item SCP-691 need to be relocated again, it is to be kept in sub-arctic temperatures at all times. Failing to do so will allow it to manipulate the air around it for approximately 3.19 kilometers. If SCP-691 somehow makes it’s way into a public area, the area is to be immediately quarantined, and all effected living creatures are to be terminated. The aforementioned attached log will explain the reasoning behind this, as well as describe the item’s full effect.

Attached Log: B9271-3816

2/14/2007Today, item SCP-691 was brought into the Level 7 Quarantine lab at Site 19. It is contained within a tank, frozen with liquid nitrogen and locked inside of a larger container, also frozen. The objects effects are currently unknown, although manipulation of heat is suspected, the agents who recovered it were covered in burns, although no source of heat capable of such injuries was detected for over 30 miles around the pick-up site. Examination will begin at 0900 tomorrow.

2/15/2007

Today at 0900 hours, 4 Level 3 personnel entered the containment room and removed the tank from the larger, box like container. The personnel in question were equipped with full hazard suits. Due to the temperature at which the room must be kept, they were also each supplied with a 2 hour personal heat generator within the suits. External tests on the tank reveal nothing, although a faint heat signature is detected. Two of the personnel in the room begin to unseal the tank. As they finish doing so, and the top of the tank is removed, the room’s temperature immediately jumps by .8 degrees. All four men within the room report that they are beginning to perspire intensely for no particular reason. They’re heart beats also begin to increase on our monitors. All four men are experts in they’re own fields, and begin to run experiments based on said expertise. One of the men prod’s the substance within the container, drawing a small sample. It is a mercury like substance, very similar looking to quick-silver. The rod the sample is contained on is reported to have drastically increased in temperature before melting. Nothing else is known currently, for the bit of substance removed from the tank hitting the frozen floor caused steam to engulf the room. Our sensors had just enough time to register the non-contained substance at 800 degrees Kelvin. This is a troubling development. Suggesting restriction to Level 4 personnel only. Note: The four men within the chamber seem to have been engulfed, and disintegrated by the steam, as no remains of them or their suits were found.

2/19/2007

It has been four days since the incident with item SCP-691. Access to the item has been restricted to level four personnel only. Experimentation will be attempted again today, if similar results are met, I shall suggest the item be classified as a Keter Class SCP Item, in which case the proper containment measures shall be placed into effect. Two Level Four personnel have entered the chamber, the same suit status applies. The personnel previously in the chamber seem to have resealed the tank before termination. The two level four personnel have now unsealed it. There appears to be more substance within the tank now, it was originally only filled about a quarter of the way, it now appears to have risen to almost the brim. The temperature in the chamber has now jumped 20 degrees. Immediate reaction is evident. The temperature is now steadily climbing by 20 degrees about every three minutes. The tank has been ordered resealed, and has been. Both personnel were perspiring profusely upon exiting chamber. They have been terminated. Test’s were preformed both before and after termination, and they’re bodies DNA seemed to have been rewritten to cause internal temperature to steadily rise. Recommend this object be classified as Keter Level.

2/20/2007

The item has been removed from Site 19 after another failed attempt to control it. The amount of substance has increased, and has spilled over into the secondary container. The amount of heat generated this time was enough to melt a hole through the chamber wall, and the effects of the heat are felt approximately 3.19 km around in any direction. The temperature of the air in the facility was raised by about 21 degrees Kelvin in that area. The object will placed into a glacier and monitored by remote observation tools controlled from Site 19.

Note to O5-3: This thing is dangerous Mike, too dangerous for us to handle. If we can find a way to control it, maybe encase it with part of SCP-710, we may have a chance. If not, I suggest we let this thing stay buried and frozen till the end of time. If someone got their hands on it and released it…we’d be looking at a 90% incinerated or evaporated planet within weeks. I still insist it be classified as a Keter Level object.
Like I said, it's kinda long.

>>453311
we see what you did there

>>453935
>>453933
>>453924
>>453917

not impersonal enough, shitty wording, shitty grammar, no concept of tense

oh god, you people are ruining the series.

PIC RELATED:

Item#: SCP-433
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-433 is to be kept under 7.8 tons of lose soil, to be warmed to 30-40 degrees Celsius. The area above this tank is to be dimly lit, with several thermal imaging cameras placed around the enclosure, for the easy removal of the subject. SCP-433 should show up as light blue, against the warm red of the soil. The soil should be removed monthly and disposed off, whilst fresh soil is put in place.
During soil replacement or at any other time the subject need be moved, at least two class D personnel should be sent into SCP-433’s enclosure. The subject will immediately select one of the class D recruits to attack, the second class D recruit should then try to overpower SCP-433’s victim, whilst a level 2 operative will proceed to enter and inject the subject 4 grams diacetylmorphine (heroin). 443’s victim should immediately be removed for testing, and the second class D recruit, terminated. SCP-433 should then be transferred rapidly to a confusion room (the subject’s tolerance for heroin fluctuates, and hence the amount of time it is incapacitated is not always determinable), the confusion room should contain high numbers of strobe lights, and loud thrashing/banging music as to disrupt the subjects psychic capabilities.
Should this task be compromised, all class D personnel involved are to be destroyed, and the level 2 operative to undergo various psychological testing.

>>453964
Description: SCP-433 is roughly 4 feet tall, with red/pink skin, and very frail. Under harsh lighting conditions, the subject appears partially transparent, although is still completely solid.
SCP-443 will engage it’s pray using an as-yet unknown method (presumed telepathy). After engaging someone, SCP-443 will be incapacitated for 20/30 seconds. Anyone engaged by the subject will behave extremely aggressively towards anyone and anything for 10 to 20 minutes, after which the victim’s mind is ‘inverted’. Any personnel having suffered this should be tested thoroughly, and detained for one month, after which, they are to be terminated (aside from various test subjects).

SCP-443 was first discovered in Choquequirao, Peru, by Hiram Bingham, in 1909

What are these all about?

>>453996

About quarter past eight.

Item#: SCP-133

Special containment procedures: Item SCP-133 should be stored within a lead lined box in a sealed, bomb resistant storage room at all times. The walls of this room should be no less than 4 feet thick, and should be covered in mirror-polished steel both inside and out. Due to the nature of the item and its contents, absolutely no-one below security clearance level 4 is permitted within the storage room for any reason, and anyone below level 4 clearance attempting to gain access to SCP-133 is to be terminated.

Description: SCP-133 appears to be an unmarked shipping crate, unremarkable in every way. Contained within, however, are several hundred rectangles of a waxy, paperlike material, folded in half. If unfolded, one side bears the legend "Instant Hole, by ACME" and the other, a black dot 22mm in diameter.

if the backing is placed against a solid surface printed side down, and rubbed, the hole will transfer to that surface. Our tests indicate SCP-133 is capable of penetrating 24" of structural grade titanium, but smooth or highly dense materials reduce its ability to penetrate. When applied to flesh, the results are devastating.

Origin: Unknown.

>>454003

Shut up. Tool.

>>454006

Butthurt.

Remove all references to "ACME" and you will have yourself something good there. Very Warehouse 23-ish

>>454006
no u

Item #: SCP-9001

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-831 is stored in a specially marked compartment at all times. This compartment is constructed of an undisclosed metal/composite plastic alloy and features a variety of sensory equippment as standardised in Protocol File 4A, paragraph 9. This compartment is to be guarded by at least 6 class D personelle, armed, at all times. Personell are to be cycled every 60 minutes. If for any reason there is a delay in the switchover, activation of the explosive charged on each guard's person is to be activated and a new team sent in IMMEDIATELY whilst a cleanup team remove the remnants. Under no circumstances are any personell other than pre-approved class 3 attendants or the on-hand expert codenamed "MOOT" permitted to enter the containment unit. Containment unit to be ringed at all times with at least 1 layer of curitains. Should a breach occur, codename MOOT will enter the area with the standby team of 3 canine response units. He is not to be impeded.

Description: SCP-9001 is appears as a humanoid figure of normal height and build but with no visible facial features and green skin. It is also absent of any form of hair. Capable of communication, but responses fluctuate wildly from bellowed insults to incoherent rabbling and maniacal laughter. Responds to any directed line of questioning with the phrase, "For teh lulz", meaning currently unknown.Experiments have shown that unit 9001 has seemingly no limits to its physical health and destructive capabilities. The item is to be kept pascified at all times by the maintanance of a direct internet connection. This connection is FORBIDDEN from being impinged (See: Case Files #0188201882-0189576).

Secure Containment Procedure: SCP-471 should at all times remain in a cool, air conditioned environment. Teams are NOT required to wear any form of protective clothing when entering the chamber. In case of blackout or, power failure, an observation team must be dispatched to SCP-471 cell. Should the temperature go above 10 degrees celcius it's vital that no person is present inside the room. Should any measuring apparatus detect a temperature rise over 10 degrees celcius a siren will go off, and the room will seal shut until the temperature is within normal range.

Description: SCP-471 was discovered somewhere in northern Sweden in 1993 by a group of divers. It resembles an oversized snowflake made of diamond and seems to possess strange telepathic powers. For short periods of time three questions can be asked, and scientists have determined that two of the times a lie is told and one of the times it will answer truthfully to any question within the limits of what the human mind can comprehend. After answering the questions SCP-471 will go into a comatose state ranging between 8 months and 4 years. SCP-471 is not hostile unless temperatures rise above 10 degrees celcius. Should temperatures rise, an odorless, invisible gas will begin to spray from microscopic pores on its surface. This gas will kill any living thing within 10 meters in a matter of 2-4 seconds, regardless of size or protection. The gas continues to spay until the temperature is below 10 degrees celcius again.

Additional notes: SCP-471 is NOT hostile and has not injured nor killed anyone as long as temperatures is within range. The timespan to ask the questions is two hours before it returns to its slumber. It never tells the same lie twice, so it's impossible to determine whether a lie is told nor in which order the lies or truth will be told.

>>454028
What a great idea! As soon as I get home I'll enter teh (NSFW) /b/ and bring them to /x/ fgj.
SCP needz moar lulz!

>>454028
PERSONNEL. CURTAINS. PACIFIED.

MUBP!

>>454035
Fuck, sorry, I've been writing reports all day and my better spelling functions have gone right out of the window.

>>454033
>seems to possess strange telepathic powers.

Seems to be telepathic, or IS telepathic? Also, obivously telepathic powers are strange. Change it to:
>and possesses the power of telepathy.

>>454060
Balls. Get rid of the 'strange mabye' but keep the seems.
WTF kind of equipment could you have that would tell for certain wheather or not something is telephathic? A: no

Shut up.

>>454069

I changed it now, thanks for the help.
Since English isn't my native language (actually I'm a swefag) i tend to spell like shit.

someone needs to add some of these to the wiki or tell me how to create new pages so i can do it myself

>>454258
Just go to the page where you think it should be (which doesn't exist yet) and edit it, which creates it. Then edit the index page to add the page you just created. That's how I did it.

Item#: SCP-592

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-592 is to be kept in a 3'x3'x3' Plexiglas box with no less than 10 layers. Said box shall be kept in a 3'x3'x24' cell under constant and complete lighting. This room shall be kept in a facility that is no less than 400 miles from any civilians. SCP-592 is to be fed a bowl of milk and bananas by SP-122 nightly. If SP-122 fails to do so, dispose of SP-122. Find a new feeder before the next feeding.

Description: SCP-592 is a small humanoid with long limbs. SCP-592 has an oval head with large eyes and no other discernible features.

In Case of Escape: Lock down facility. Preform Operation Hammerdown-x. Maintain armed perimeter at a radius of 250 miles from Ground Zero. If a soldier makes eye contact with SCP-592 he is to become the new feeder with goal of containing SCP-592 in a new facility.

Current Status: Escaped. Operation Hammerdown-x failed. Perimeter was breached. SCP-592 is presumed to be in South America.

>>454028

>Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9001 is stored in a specially marked compartment at all times. This compartment is constructed of an undisclosed metal/composite plastic alloy and mumst be completely covered with curtains, both inside and outside. This compartment is to be guarded by at least 6 class D personelle, accompanied by one guard dog each. Personell and dogs are to be cycled every 60 minutes. If for any reason there is a delay in the switchover, activation of the explosive charged on each guards' person is to be activated and a new team sent in IMMEDIATELY whilst a cleanup team remove the remnants. Under no circumstances are any personell other than pre-approved class 3 attendants or the on-hand expert codenamed "MOOT" permitted to enter the containment unit. Containment unit to be ringed at all times with at least 1 layer of curitains. Should a breach occur, codename MOOT will enter the area with the standby team of 3 canine response units. He is not to be impeded.

Description: SCP-9001 is appears as a humanoid figure of normal height and build but with no visible facial features and green skin. It is also absent of any form of hair. Capable of communication, but responses fluctuate wildly from bellowed insults to incoherent rabbling and maniacal laughter. Responds to any directed line of questioning with the phrase, "For teh lulz", meaning currently unknown.Experiments have shown that unit 9001 has seemingly no limits to its physical health and destructive capabilities. The item is to be kept pascified at all times by the maintanance of a direct internet connection. This connection is FORBIDDEN from being impinged (See: Case Files #0188201882-0189576).

Fixed.

>>454028

THAT'S OVER 9000!!!

I'm too tired to do it myself, but here's a random idea...

Pair of leather riding boots, origionally worn by Texas Ranger. No real danger to anyone who comes in contact with them but the boots ooze blood in the presence of anyone of Mexican or First Nation decent.

"Every Texas Ranger has the blood of a Mexican on his boots" or however the saying goes and all that. It'd be nice to have something that's creepy in the list without the usual "LOL CONTAINMENT CONTAINMENT!".

Item #:SCP-036

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-036 is inactive and presumed permanently disabled. No special containment procedures are needed at the current time. If object spontaneously resumes activity, review previous containment procedures appended to this document.

Description: SCP-036 is a stone approximately 2.1 meters tall. Prior to Incident #036-xk1, SCP-036 was measured at 3.4 meters tall. The stone was previously covered in symbols, though those have been largely destroyed after Incident #036-xk1. The top of the item is roughly broken, and a large crack runs down its entire length. Stone is of a purplish-green that cannot be directly analyzed. Perviously, the item was able to convert high-energy radiation into kinetic energy. This property seems to have been extinguished.

Documents: SCP-036 was discovered by teams surveying ruins around site SA-12c. At that time, the item was intact, and any personnel viewing the symbols on its surface reported feelings of disorientation. Full power of the artifact was not known until incident #036-tr122, where an x-ray scan was first used on the artifact. The artifact responded violently, and three of the researchers were killed. Item was then contained as below.

Previous Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-036 was kept in a locked, lead-lined room well away from the on-base radiological sources. Personnel were advised to avoid looking at Item SCP-036 for long periods of time, as it was known to cause chronic migraines in test subjects. No high-energy scans were permitted of SCP-036.

Incident #036-xk1: Item SCP-036 became active for the last time after a minor containment failure of another item in the facility. A high-energy burst of x-rays, gamma rays, and several other kinds of radiation flooded SCP-036's cell, and the item became active. Personnel were permitted to use explosives, and item SCP-036 was destroyed with grenades.

Current Status of SCP-036: Being used as decorative art in the main reception area.

>>454431
we need more "potentially neutralized" items like this

>>454435
If they were "potentially neutralized" then they probably wouldn't qualify for Special Containment Procedures.

>>454447
One of the items that falls under the "possibly contained" includes a coffee maker that they put in the employee lounge that will make you a cup of anything.

Taking a ruined item and then turning it into art works just fine.

>>454425
No actual usefulness and not indestructible so it would be destroyed.

>>454463
Maybe it bleeds tequila?

>>454465
Or it bleeds the same blood type as the person that gets near it. The pair (or possibly just a single boot) is kept due to the possibilities raised in the realm of blood transfusion.

>>454467
Hmmm. I guess that could work.

Slowpoke maybe, but I don't feel like reading the whole thread.

Of course the Midas finger shouldn't affect gases. If it did, the mythological King Midas wouldn't have been able to breathe because gold dust would be constantly forming in his lungs. It'd be like black lung, except it'd be gold lung.

>>454467
The boot is kept because it is a cheap, easy source of the weekly gallon of blood required to feed SCP-###, which is kept in a room that is surrounded by crucifixes and all staff who venture inside must carry no less then three cloves of garlic about their purpose.

>>454463
>No actual usefulness and not indestructible so it would be destroyed.

One of the things contained is a horse that used to have wings and another one is a cat that has no arse.

I came up with this. If you don't think it's worthy of being 001, feel free to change the designation to 004, or eight hundred billion, or whatever.

SCP-001

Special Contanment Procedures: SCP-001 is to be kept in constant surveilance at all times, electronically, and by no less than seventeen security personnel within physical sight of the object. All security personnel assigned to SCP-001 are to be Rank S, and all individuals in the presence of SCP-001 are to be monitored at all times by two specially trained units, one of which is to accompany individual phsycially, while the other is to monitor the individual electronically via sensors inegrated into the radiation suit that all personnel are required to wear in the presence of the object.

SCP-001 is contained at [CLASSIFIED]. Facility is to be reinforced with four layers of titanium at the exterior, and all structural support points are to be reinforced with titanium as well. Object is to be enclosed in a titanium shell which is to be reinforced with pure carbon. If possible, titanium shell is to be replaced with carbon shell. Lead coating is be applied to interior of shell to limit radiation leakage.

SCP-001 is a Keter level object; personnel who violate any listed procedures at any time while in the presence of SCP-001 are to be terminated immediately and without hesitation. Personnel present at termination are to be questioned by Class D personnel, then transferred to another facility and monitored indefinitely. Class D personnel performing questioning are to be terminated afterward. Personnel performing termination of protocol violators are to be questioned by qualified O5 personnel, then terminated. No personnel are to be granted direct access to object SCP-001 at any time for any reason- any personnel who attempt to gain direct access are to be terminated immediately.

>>454584
(cont.)


Description: SCP-001 is 1.893 Km in length, .822 Km in width, and .797 Km in height. Exterior is rough. Object is made of unidentifiable material presumed to be an unknown type of stone. Molecular structure of object is extremely dense- scans and computer simulations indicate that diamond would be damaged if it were applied forcefully to SCP-001. Weight of object is unknown but has been estimated as being, at minimum, 778 billion tons (1.556 quadrillion pounds, apprx. 706.437 trillion kilograms) at sea level. Age of SCP-001 is indeterminable by any presently developed method. SCP-001 emits extremely intense levels of nuclear radiation, but intensity declines sharply at 73cm away from object's surface. Radiation levels beyond 73cm from SCP-001 are comparable to those found in the "Zone of Alienation" in Chernobyl, Ukraine as of June 9th, 1991. Prior to construction of lead lined shell, this radiation extended apprx. 1.14 Km in all directions from object.

Note: 05 personnel refer to document SCP-001B

Document SCP-001B

Origin of object SCP-001 is almost certainly extraterrestrial. Current hypothesis holds that SCP-001 was originally part of "Minerva," a planet that supposedly existed between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter, and now exists at the main asteroid belt. This hypothesis is presently not possible to test.

>>454590
(cont.)

Periodically, object SCP-001 produces an extremely small grain of sand. This grain has been determined to have the potential to produce more energy in less than a microsecond than the sun produces in a decade. This grain is to be fed via gravity wave (see document 3412-832L) into a microscopic "wormhole" (see document R312-447) that is beleived to terminate near the core of galaxy NGC 7331. While even the tiniest fraction of the energy potentially harnessable from this grain is more than capable of powering everything on Earth for the next millenia, the risk is considered FAR too great at this time to attempt anything of that sort- the tiniest mistake would could theoretically destroy not only the Earth, but much of the solar system, including the sun itself.

Item#: SCP-027

Secure Containment Procedure: Item SCP-027's is to be kept locked in a guarded containment cell. No personnel are authorized to enter SCP-027's cell without the supervision of level-3 personnel and a medical team. Under no circumstances are weapons to be brought into the presence of SCP-027, all personnel in violation of this protocol will be terminated assuming they survive. Under no circumstance is light to be shown in SCP-027's hood.

>>454608
Description: SCP-027 i robed figure, approximately 5.5 feet tall with wing-like protrusions that point upwards from its back and appears to be made of solid stone, although the material is unidentifiable. SCP-027 sits on the edge of a square stone block that is exactly e metets wide and e centimeter thick and all attempt to move the artifact have failed. SCP-027's hood obscures all facial features with perpetual darkness, and all attempts to illuminate it have resulted in the permanent incapacitation of the responsible personnel. All attempts to damage the stone or SCP-027 have failed as all weapons disintigrate in the presence of SCP-027. All objects that are not dedicated weapons are disintigrated the moment they are used in a hostile manner. Should any person with a medical condition or injury sit on the stone block, SCP-027 will stand up and the sitting person be unable to control their own body and will be levitated 3 feet into the air and turned so they appear to be laying on their back via unknown means. SCP-027 will then appears to "operate" on the levitated individual (see file SCP-027/LS01 for further details). SCP-027 takes approximately anywhere from 30 minutes for very minor injuries and has been recorded taking up to 7 hours for terminal conditions. Upon finishing, SCP-027 will sit back down and the "patient" will be returned to their original position cured of all conditions and injuries. All personnel report that have been "operated" on by SCP-027 report the process is extremely painful and many patient have required psychological counseling afterwards, with some of the patients having gone completely insane.

>>454425
FIRST NATION? YOU'RE A FUCKIN CANADIAN!

>>454611

FILE SCP-027/LS01

DATE: XX-XX-XXXX

ID#: 027-2702M(X-XXXX-XXXX-XXXX)

Watching SCP-027 work is with out a doubt one of the most amazing things to witness. In order to further test the statue's healing ability, we had [777-3983A], who had broken his arm in an accident during testing on SCP-777, sit on the stone platform. While I had seen it heal a small cut before, it was no where near the level of watching the artifact work. SCP-027 appeared to be able to remove the skin, muscle tissue, and other such material out of the way with out actually damaging it or [777-3983A] in the process (although said agent reported it be the most painful expirience ever). Further more the artifact appeared to be able manually through, hell I don't know, it looked almost like it was weaving the bone back together before putting everything else back in place. As much as I hate to admit it, i can't wait to witness it do something like a heart bypass or removal of a tumor.

thought i'd give this a try, would love some feed back

SCP-754

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-754 is to be kept in a 9m by 9m by 9m room constructed with 30cm thick Lead walls with a standard bulkhead. Security level 2, This Artifact is to be friendly as long as guidelines do not go ignored. Due to the nature of the Artifact there are to be no less then 3 personnel attending during its Active cycle [0600-1200]. No Personnel should enter the chamber with more the .5 gram of Pure Silver. Removing this Item for study requires a level 4 Clearance.

Description: Discovered in a suburb of Buffalo, NY 28/5/94 moved to Site 19 after Incident 23tr-df. Item appears to be a G&E Digital Clock Radio Model No. 7-4817B. If the battery access panel is removed it reveals organic tissue. DNA tests have identified 17 different species of Plants and Animals. The Artifact has a daily active period during which it broadcasts a radio talk show that has been proven to be the originated by the Artifact. The cast of the show includes 3 hosts that have been identified. These characters comment accurately on current events and pop culture. If no person is present during Active hours to witness this “show” the Artifact emits a high frequency radio wave that cause depression and anxiety. This transmission reaches up to 1.67 km and will last until it gains an audience. Any personnel that bring more than .5 grams of Pure Silver within 2.03 meters of the Artifact will be insulted and belittled by the Host of the Program. The longer the personnel linger the hosts will become more accurate and personal with their verbal barrage, this has resulted with 5 personnel diagnosed with Clinical Depression, and 2 with Hysteria. The Artifact causes no physical damage, and on most days is entertaining.

>>454953

WOAH TED! Like! So THAT'S where we put our awesome time machine!!

Item #: SCP-946
Special Containment Procedures: No safety precautions to note, object is essentially harmless. However, object must be kept under constant surveillance. Object is currently stored at the low-security outdoor facilty in Hamburg.

Description: Recovered in the sewers of Cardiff in 2005. Object appears to be a wooden London police call box circa 1960. The object is heavily scratched and scorched, heavy radiation being emitted from certain parts of the object. Analysis of the residue on the outside of the box reveals abnormal results. Carbon dating is especially difficult, with appearently prehistoric dates being revealed. The box is perpetually “lit” from the inside, however any attempts to open the box have been met with failure despite the doors appearing to be made of wood and appearing to possess a simple keyhole. The box is deceptively massive, easily weighing over a ton. The box ocassionally emits a grinding, whirring noise while simultaneously, the light atop the box flashes. During this period, the box becomes translucent, though remains solid to the touch. Besides these abnormalities, the object has not demonstrated any overtly harmful effects on personel or the surrounding environment.

STATUS UPDATE: The object has disappeared. Surveilance was cut during the night, the last recorded video on each camera being blue-colored static. However, sound continued to record. The microphones picked up the sounds of the keyhole being operated, the doors opening and closing, then the characteristic grinding noise. There is currently no intelligence on the location of the box.

>>454966
WIN.

>>454966
Someone put this in the wiki

>>454966
eurotrash detected.

>>454966
You have officially made my day. WIN.

>>455061
Wannabe-psychic-trash detected.

>>455095
>>455068
>>455055
>>455019
>>454966

samefag

Item#: SCP-233

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-233 is to be stored in a locked containment cell with an attatched observation room, seperated by reinforced acrylic glass with an air-tight seal. The containment unit is to be accessed by an airlock. All personnel entering SCP-233's containment cell are to wear fully white heat-disapation suits with white visors. All suits are to be inspected for discoloration upon entering.

Description: SCP-233 is a small hardcover book with a red hand print and text in an unknown language on the cover. The book contains roughly 600 pages. Almost 94% of the pages contain text, written in human blood from a single source in the same unknown language. All attempts to decipher the text have failed. SCP-233 is able to summon a creature resembling a solid white moray eel with red eyes that is able to move with out regard to gravity. The eel appears to only manifest in indoor areas with all doors and exits closed, and once a exit is opened, the eel dissapates into white smoke. The eel is extremely hostile and will attack anyone in the room, however the eel seems to fail to notice anything that is completely white. Any area the eel bites on a person will simply cease to exist (e.g. wounds do not bleed) and the victim will feel no pain nor will they die as long as their face remains at least 70% intact. The eel appears to avoid consuming the face until it is all that remains. Should a door be opened, standard reality appears to resume and results in the victim being able to feel again as well as blood to spill from any wounds.

>>455061
>>455104

Differentfags.

Item #:SCP-222

Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-222 is to remain in the provided restricted access steel vault. In the event that the connected pneumatic tubes require maintenance, the board of directors will automatically be notified and a technician will be appointed. Maintenance will proceed according to the following protocols:

1. Using the provided terminal outside the vault, select from the list the general nature of the problem and the maximum amount of time required for maintenance.

2. If a response is not displayed on the terminal within the following five minute period, the appointed technician will check for one every half hour for the next 11 hours. If the resulting text is anything other than two dates and a series of 12 integers, the maintenance is to be postponed to a later date and the engineer is to be given mandatory paid leave for a period not less than five days.

3. Otherwise the appointed individual is to memorize the 12 integer code and enter it into the terminal. This will close the blast doors surrounding the entrance to the SCP-222 vault. ocular and voice recognition scans will then be administered and the technician will be permitted access to the vault.

4. Once inside the appointed technician will perform the repairs and adjustments required paying close attention to the specifications the directors will provide. If at any time the designated signal is percieved, she will leave immediately regardless of the current state of repairs. If the ending time specified arrives, she will leave immediately regardless of the state of repairs. concluding the maintenance, the technician will enter a number into the terminal; 1 for successful completion of repairs, 2 for premature abortion of repairs, and 3 for failure to complete repairs in the allotted time. It should be noted that there is no specific penalty for the third case; completing the given assignment is considerably less important than abiding by the time restrictions and ensuring that all procedures are followed.

All other attempts at interaction with SCP-222 are strictly prohibited and is a Class 43 infraction. activity near the vault will be monitored by security cameras. In the event of an emergency, Sub Basement 5 will be locked down and flooded with Substance B.

Description: Classified

argh no no no, this really is becoming too much like the holders. It is far too exact. You need to bring in some ambiguity, some uncertainty. Leave things to the imagination, the unknown is one of the most powerful tools when writing a story.

Also, to people saying 'well why don't you write one' piss off. i will write one if I feel like it, but i have nothing of value to write about. Just because I have no SCPs doesn't mean I can't criticize, retards.

>>454584

Eh, maybe not as one. I was thinking one would be some kinda of big bang in miniature - basically, it's a source of anentropic power. Entropy is slowly reversed around the object. I should write this up, actually...

>>454966
fail, the TARDIS weights, at most, 100 kg and is quite easy to move actually.

>>455272
Who said this is the TARDIS? Suspend your disbelief

>>454584
>>454590
>>454594

So is this one going to be added to the wiki at all, even with a different number, or not? I thought it wasn't bad.

>>455377

Definatly not as one. Its ok, but complete fail as 001.

>>454966
Put it in the joke wiki.

some of the holders items could make good SCP's maybe.

any thoughts?

>>455594
NO. Holders are fail, and we want to preserve the win of SCP for as long as possible.

>>455594

If you do that, i'll come round your house and cry on all your things.

>>455611
UH OH. looks like you're a little late on that train, they ARE the new holders (though not as fail as them, but close). So they are already, on the most part, fail. You should have just ketp it to one or two by the same person.

>>455626
Shut up.
If we don't talk about it, it won't happen.

>>455628
Too late, it has happened. There's not denying it, SCP is the new cancer, HTK/x/ is the chemo.

>>455636
Now I'm chemotherapy? You guys are nuts.

>>455636
Some of them are still gude, they arnt cancers.

SCP are the crab-like mutations killing /x/

Someone upload 9001