File :-(, x, )
SCP THREAD GO eberstrom
New-ish one from the wiki:

Item#: SCP-294
Special Containment Procedures: There are no standard special containment procedures on file for Item SCP-294. However, only personnel of security clearance level 2 or higher are allowed to interact with it (see document SCP-294a). SCP-294 is currently being stored in the 2nd floor personnel break room and is monitored by two guards of security clearance level 3 at all times.
Description: Item SCP-294 appears to be a standard coffee vending machine, the only noticeable difference being an entry touchpad with buttons corresponding to every alphanumeric character of the English language. Upon depositing fifty cents US currency into the coin slot, the user is prompted to enter the name of any liquid using the touchpad. Upon doing so, a standard 12-ounce paper drinking cup is placed and the liquid indicated is poured. Ninety-seven test runs were performed (including requests for water, coffee, beer, soda, and non-consumable liquids such as sulfuric acid, wiper fluid, and motor oil) and each one returned a success.
It is of note that after approximately fifty uses, the machine would not respond to further requests. After a period of approximately 90 minutes, the machine seemed to have "restocked" itself. It is also interesting to note that many caustic liquids that would have eaten through a normal paper cup seemed to have no effect on the cups dispensed by the machine.
>> eberstrom

Further testing is scheduled, especially for liquids of extreme temperatures such as molten metals and liquid nitrogen. As suggested, SCP-294 was moved to the 2nd floor personnel break room as a money-saving venture. Following incident 294-01, guards were stationed at the item and a security clearance became necessary to interact with it.
Document SCP-294a (regarding incident 294-01): On August 21, 2005, Agent Joseph Warden attempted to utilize Item SCP-294 to obtain coffee during his alloted break time at 9:30 AM. At the request of Agent Terry Reinhardt "to see what it would do", Warden requested "a cup of Joe" from the item. Moments after confirming the selection, Warden began to sweat profusely and complained of dizziness before collapsing. After being moved to the infirmary, the medical team recovered the contents of the cup dispensed by Item SCP-294; a foul-smelling combination of blood, bits of flesh, and other various bodily fluids. Most disturbingly, testing revealed the DNA sequence of the biological material dispensed by Item SCP-294 matched that of Agent Warden.
Agent Warden made a complete recovery in the infirmary after four weeks of rest and intravenous hydration. X-rays and CAT scans showed no further signs of injury, and Warden was released. Both agents were reprimanded. Recommend additional security placed in the area of Item SCP-294.
>> Anonymous
Hey, it's the one I wrote last night

It was two in the morning and while it sounded good at the time, I think the "cup of Joe" thing is pretty much concentrated fail

Anyone else who thinks so is free to strike it from the record
>> Anonymous

This one's a great break from the others.

Redundant brix shitting pasta is redundant. And boring.
>> Anonymous
I like it.
>> Anonymous
lol, sCP
>> Anonymous
I'd be like

A cup of 4chan

And the world would explode.
>> Anonymous
I thought it was good.
SCP needs some benign objects with funny properties to keep things fresh.
>> Anonymous
If they were benign (read: harmless), they probably wouldn't qualify for Special Containment Procedures.
>> Anonymous

It `d be kind of like a warehouse23 then
>> Anonymous
its a fun story, lol mixed with brix. Id key in another machine, or key in a drink from 5 minutes ago (or the future) then watch it explode like a calculator dividing by zero
>> Anonymous
What wiki?
>> Anonymous
Ask for:

A cup of Item SCP-294.
>> Anonymous

Most fish are harmless, but they need to be Specially Contained in water.

The government is the biggest occult fan ever. They have more trinkets doohickies and thingamajigs than any other tin-hatter out there combined. There are probably lots of extremely dangerous items out there, but for each of these, there is an item that is not dangerous.

Thus, I propose SCP-####-?, for the objects which warrant not-so-much danger.