Sup /real/ I have a story to tell you I am actually half baby. My baby mother had sex with a ghost and spawned me so I can confirm the existance of babies at least. I have superpowers like the ability to have a semi-physical presence. I swear it's true.

>>638256
Pics or it's not /real/.

Hey /real/

I'm really fucking pissed off. I mean, I make people insane if they stare at me for more than 5 minutes. But lately all people have been doing is laughing. I don't know if it has to do with the plastic surgery I got recently. Help me /real/, not only this is making me angry but I'm getting a bit scared that I wont be able to make people insane.

Pic related... It's me after surgery.

sup /real/

One day I was walking through the creepy flowery meadow with the sun shining brightly. I almost ate a brick it so so fuckign wierd.

Anyway, i thought i saw a human out of the corner of my eye-hole. It was just like some of you describe. Disgusting skin hanging off their muscles, eyes that seemed to move in usison with one another... horrifying.

Have any of you seen any humans recently?

Hey /real/

I'm a baby. Ask me anything.

>>638300
What's it like to touch things? Hold them in your hands?

>>638300
GTFO babies aren't real.

>>638300
Is it true that babies like sucking PENISes instead of breasts?

Sup /real/

I was just walking through the city, helping my little sis do her chores. It's a tough part of town, so usually I accompany her, makes sure she stays out of trouble. Anyways, suddenly all these alarm klaxons start going off, and some jackass with a wrench starts touching my little sis. What the fuck?! She's like 9! So I get between this freak and my sister, tell him to back the fuck off, and before I know it, this dude is fuckin' assaulting me with his tiny wrench.

Needless to say, I drilled his pansy ass.

In any city, in any country, go to any mental instituion or halfway house in you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of the End". Should a look of child-like fear come over the workers face, you will then be taken to my cell in the building. It will be in a deep hidden section of the building. All you will hear is the sound of me talking to myself echo the halls. I talk in a language that you will not understand, but your very soul will feel unspeakable fear.

Should I stop talking at any time, STOP and QUICKLY say aloud "I'm just passing through, I wish to talk." If you still hear silence, flee. Leave, do not stop for anything, do not go home, don't stay at an inn, just keep moving, sleep where your body drops. You will know in the morning if you've escaped.

If I talk to you after you utter those words continue on. Upon reaching the cell all you will see is a windowless room with a me in the corner, speaking an unknown language, and cradling something. I will only respond to one question. What happens when they all come together?

Then I will then stare into your eyes and answer your question in horrifiying detail. Many go mad in my cell, some disappear soon after the meeting, a few end their lives. But most do the worst thing and look upon the object in my hands. You will want to as well. Be warned, if you do your death will be that of cruelity and unrelenting horror.

Your death will be in that room, by my hands.

This object is 1 of 538. They must never come together. Never.

Have some creepypasta, /real/.

Holder of the Pen

In any city, in any country, go to any college or technical school you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself “The Holder of the Pen”. Should a look of confusion come over the worker's face, you will then be taken to an office in the building. It will be in a well lit wing of the building. All you will hear is the sound of a few voices in conversation echo the halls. It is in a language that you will not understand, but your very soul will feel unspeakable fear.

Should the talking stop at any time, STOP and QUICKLY say aloud “I’m just passing through, I'm supposed to be here.” If you still hear silence, flee. Leave, do not stop for anything, do not go home, don’t hide in a sewer, just keep moving, and sleep where your body drops. You will know in the morning if you’ve escaped.

If the conversations in the hall come back after you utter those words continue on. Upon reaching the office you will see is a cheerfully well lit room with a person behind a desk, speaking an unknown language, and typing something on a keyboard. The person will only respond to one question. “What are you working on?”

The person will then glance at you dismissively and answer your question in horrifying detail. Many go mad in that very office, some disappear soon after the meeting, and a few end their lives. But most do the worst thing, and look upon the person's monitor. You will want to as well. Be warned that if you do, your death will be one of cruelty and unrelenting horror.

Your death will be in that room, by that person's words.

>>638331
Damn it, you beat me.

>>638331

>child-like fear

Children don't feel fear.

>>638329
This is win

That picture is a fake. I can tell from the pixels and from having seen quite a few fakes in my time.

>>638355
Actually a Holders in /real/ would be from the perspective of the holder himself, wouldn't it?

>>638247
In b4 that retarded start talking that any childrem pic is bordeline CP

>>638637
I wanted to take a well known creepypasta and make it into something that might seem paranormal to a monster.

A reverse Holders where monsters try to find mundane items and exaggerate the dangers of the real world could work, but Holder of the Pen didn't turn out so well.

How could ghosts/zombies debunk humans? They need humans to exist.

I often wonder why those strange beings known as 'dogs' seem to be so aware of us on occasion. Any thoughts on this matter?

Sup /real/,
Something really brixshitting happened to me today.
I was sitting in my permanent hotel room, huddled into the corner like every normal one of us would think to do, when all of a sudden, there is this sound at my door. I get up to investigate but there isn't anything there. It happened a second time, a day later, and I caught it in time. It was an eye! Not a normal red eye, but like a humans eye..like in that story.

I shat real brix.

>>638689
they are souls, we need souls too

/real/, I need help...

I've been living in this house for a few centuries, but recently I've started seeing things...
People appear in rooms, speaking in tongue, they move around seeming to not notice me.

A week has gone by and now I know, there are three of them... I think they are humans.
Two males and one female. The older male appears seldom and when I hear him in the first floor room he does not give any sign of perceiving me nor the other two humans.

The female on the other hand moves around the house frequently, I don't know what she is looking for, sometimes she just walks through me, it makes me feel sickeningly warm.

Finally the younger male...
He dwells in the basement, when I've ventured there I usually find him sitting in front of a strange box that emits a light, I try to keep away while I listen to him hitting at some plank on the table, the constant clicking sometimes wakes me up in the day.

This smaller human noticed me two nights ago.
When I went through the door he looked over his shoulder and stared at where I was standing for a full five minutes, he seemed upset as he jammed his hands over that pad with squares.
I left in a hurry.

Now each time I move around he has been turning in my direction, even the rare times he ventures to the higher floors... It's starting to scare me, /real/...
I seriously need help.

>>638768


/real/
I just went into the basement, he has seen me.
He attacked me throwing some of those unknown objects he has around him. They went right through me, yet they gave me a strange sensation.
He did not try anything else except backing up into the table, that place he always sat by.

I tried being friendly, something told me he meant me no harm even when I was terrified so I smiled.
This made him stop moving, when he turned to look at the light box I moved a little closer, maybe I could make contact with him, but I would go easy.

He turned to look back and his eyes widened, this made me creep out, but I stood my ground.

He shifted and sat down, hitting furiously at the square-covered pad. Each time he looked over his shoulder I had inched a little closer, my smile growing as to show him I meant no harm.

/real/... I'm right behind him now.

Hey /real/, this is John. I'm a zombie.

And then I was human.

>>638776
No, John...
You are the humans.

I live in a halfway house. Or maybe it's a mental institute. I don't know anymore. The walls are soft enough to sleep on and that's good enough for me. Where I am? I don't know. Could be any city, any country. Maybe Mary down the hall is right; I'm on fucking Jupiter. I got this, this knife thing, a scalpel I'm told. Stupid fucking thing, bad enough that I was entrusted with it, it also was shoved into my damned chest. They're looking for me, they call me by what I call myself in my dreams, that name that tortures me, "Holder of Eternity". Fuck them, my name was George. Eternity, that is what I'm here for. The room smells like piss and bile. My back aches. Every few days a chap walks down that hall right outside. Right out-fucking-side. Just waltzes down the hall. But he stops sometimes. He whispers things. I wonder if he's a fucking loon. I feel comfortable here, in my floor of soft pillows. Clouds. Heaven. Fuck this; eternal Hell. Deep down in the bowels of this blasted basement. Or atleast it was a basement.

Down the hall Mary and Richard the Great scream. They scream all the time. You'd think they're fucking every five minutes. Or raping each other. Or both. Can't let me sleep. I want my sleep. But today is different, see. Today I hear the lock on my door groan and click, before hearing the sound of a pair of high heeled shoes running off down the hallway. Am I free? My chains set, I'm set to stay.

Alas, outside I hear the nervous breathing of a chap. A boy, a girl, I don't care, I can't see. Bad enough that I have to live with these blasted memories. This nightmares that haunt me at night. Mary and Richard stop screaming as he opens the door. Silence engulfs the room and I grin my toothy grin. And y'know what he asks me? In his little (yes, it's a he) boyish voice he asks, "Who created them?"

>>639110
I laugh. I laugh like never before, a cackle reminiscing the very same cackle of that hyena I slaughtered in the desert. Or was it a hooker on Palm Beach? I don't care, I'll tell him something. I'll tell him my dreams, my nightmares. This clean little boy does not know pain, he doesn't know death or wrong or evil. He'll know. He'll know. I'll burrow deep into the well that is his puny little brain and tear his very dreamy world apart. Ha! A virgin brain, ripe for the picking. Oh, how I adore such morsels. But I fail in one vital respect. I tell him of how I obtained this prick, this scalpel in my chest, embedded in such a maniacal way so as to sting me eternally but not kill me, the removal of it, though, would do the trick.

He takes a step towards me. Why'd I tell him all that? Why did I tell him about the scalpel? About ending my agony, my hell?

I look down at the flesh that was only but my casket. I look at him as he holds the object. The third of 538. Will he know what to do with it? It's up to him whether the others are protected or destroyed. I wonder how Mary and Richard are doing.... This whole spirit thing is abso-fucking-lutely fascinating.

I made a huge mistake today, /real/. I was just hanging around, like usual, when the girl in the house walked into the bathroom. I kept on mimicking her movements like I do every day, but then I got distracted by something out of the corner of my eye, and I turned to look at it instead of brushing my hair, like she was doing. She saw me, and she just stood staring until I freaked out and ran away. She knows, /real/. What can I do? I'm so scared.

/real/, I can't find my dog and the catspiders don't know where he is, either! Do your dogs ever leave their trees? Did they come back soon?

pic related, his empty tree

>>639151
When she's asleep, step through the mirror and leave a note saying that the mirror she saw you in was haunted. Make up some story about mental patients or demons or something, then write that the note is from the Illuminati and that she has great potential.

Probably she'll just scrap the old mirror and make a post to some imageboard. No one will believe her and she'll think she's safe lol.

{translated to English from Spanish by Suom Y. Nona)

Well, I'm just up in my room when all the lights go out. All of them. Just, poof! Bad enough that I was starving myself, but next thing I know I hear these strange sounds coming from my kitchen. I grab my hammer, I go to investigate. Some guy and some woman, they're just whispering. They think I can't hear them. I play deaf/mute with them a bit, right? So there I am, staring at a table pretending not to smell them, their stench of fear emanating from them like some bile flask full of life. I hadn't seen humans in a long time. I had to eat my last one due to starvation, but that was years ago. Too bad I can't open a goddamned door, maybe I would have gone down to grab some actual food from some of the other rooms in this place. I tried to eat the dog that came in here the other day... bitch ran off yelping after just one bite. But either way, here I am, and there they are. What is that thing the man is carrying? I want to see that first. I bash his face in with my hammer, dropping him to the floor. Now what to do about this woman? She keeps screaming bloody murder when all I want are her clothes. Whatever, I'll drag her to my room, deal with her later.

Soup /real/

I'm a living scarecrow.

I saw this weird floating blob hovering above my crop circles the other day. My wife claims it was just another UFO, but I swear to God it was an actual WEATHER BALLOON!

boo

>>639225
Yeah dude one time I saw this swamp gas, but my friend says it's totally a plane. The hell?!

Hey /real/.

I just finished eating another family. But bastards recorded a lot of it and sold the tape. The woman got away. Wtf do I do?

Signed,
House on Ash Tree Lane

Dear /real/

I keep giving this Johnny Truant fellow nightmares. He's scared shitless. He thinks I'll go away just by doing drugs and having sex. What a moron. I'll only make them worse. Should I remind him of his mother?

Sincerely,
Johnny's Nightmares

Dear /rEal/

i'm stuck in these hAllways. i can't take it anymore. the boreDom, the sadness. I'm so aloNe. why doeS It hurt? where's my sunshine, my muneca De oro? wherE's my johnny? save me.

signed
pl

dear /real/
I WAS PHONE

So I was just chilling with my friends and we were having a great time.
Then suddenly a weird beam hits Frank, and he was all like OH FUCK IT HURTS, and then he disappeard in a tiny black box.
Then there were 4 more beams, and it hit John, Bob and Bill, it almost hit me, but I managed to escape. As I ran away I heard the screams of my friends and then silence. All my friends were sucked into this black box thing. The last thing I saw was some humans wearing a jumpsuit.
I tell you guys, they are out there, and are hunting.

>>638247
so whats in this pic other than this fuck ugly kid?

>>639251
Read the post, bonebag.

Hello, /real/.

I am very hungry, lately. The past couple years have not been kind. I've been sending out leads for years, to lure in humans. My last big effort pulled in a lot, but since then, no one has been taking my hints.

Apparently my effort backfired in the long run.

But I'm not worried.

I've got many new flesh puppets saved up from last time and I'm using them to seed hints into several imageboards.

Okay /real/ this is something that just happened to me last night and I don't give a shit if your believe me or not. I was minding my own business just walking through my home when I thought I heard voices coming from the next room. I went in there and on the table I could sorta see the outline of one of those wooden arrows we've all seen drawings of. I could also make out what looked like a bunch of barely visible hands grabbing it. As I got closer the air suddenly got warmer and if I had breath I bet I wouldn't have been able to see it. Also the voices got louder, they're voices were high pitched and sometimes crackling. The main advice in these situations is to confront the intruding entities and tell them to leave your home. Just like the other eyewitness accounts in the center of the arrow was a circle that had letters inside. I grabbed the arrow and moved it around the table and different letters appeared in the circle depending on where I moved it. The minute I started doing this I could tell the voices were getting excited. Needless to say I was a little weirded out but I had to make sure I communicated right so I moved around the pointer until I spelled the words "Get Out." There was kind of a nervous muttering and the arrow disappeared. Most witnesses say that after things like this happen they almost always come back. Any advice to prevent this from happening?

/real/,

Today was eventful, I was sitting in my chamber and holding my item as per usual yeah? Well today someone knocked on my door and came in. I went through this whole set of questions, I couldn't really see what the human looked like. But he seemed to do everything perfectly so I gave him the item I was holding and then he left.

What a nice fellow...I'm still a little dissapointed I didn't get to rip off his flesh, use it as bandages and then eat him. :(

hey guys check it out a real life human

So /real/ whats the ritual to go about the summoning of a human female? It gets lonely down here in hell :(

>>639289

ugh thanks a lot asshole now I'm not gonna to be able to sleep today

>>639282
I have these problems occasionally. Try spelling out the words "Whore", "Die slut", "I'm watching", "He'll kill you", etc. Be really vitriolic and give disturbing warnings.

Alternatively, ask very personal questions. Start off easy, suggesting that you are "a friendly spirit" and gradually get more offensive/sexual.

Once I got an entire family to suicide by hanging themselves in my attic.

haoeuhaoeuhaoeuhaoeu

>>639289

HOT

Hello, /real/. I've been having problems with my girlfriend lately and I want to ask you for advice.

We started out like any other couple (we even haunted a house on our third date) and after some months she moved into my attic but now it seems like she's become this whole different specter, it is like I don't know her any more.

I still really like her as a friend and all but I can't continue to live in the same space as her. So how do I excorcise her and still keep our friendship?
Help me ,/real/.

Thanks.

pic related, that's her.

>>639705
Wow. That's some nice ectoplasm there.

Well, you should try talking things out with her. A real heart to heart. Hopefully, she'll understand. If not, shout HUM PAPA LUM and draw the fifth sigil of Vorak in the air in front of her. She'll be exorcised quite nicely.

Alternatively, you might try sticking it in her pooper.

Hey, /real/.
Um... Listen, I didn't really know who to tell, so I figured this is the best place....
I have a thing for humans... Like, if I'm just cruisin' around and I come across, like, a bedroom, and she's gettin' changed, i float under her to get a better look at her... Well, her human-bits. i swear I nearly spew ectoplasm all over her. I know, it's disgusting, but it's just a thing I have. It's good to get it off my ethereal chest.

Hey, this place counts for me too, right?

I would just say that I am sick of all those motherfuckers constantly saying my name. Rope is expencive, plus that these idiots are located all over the planet. I barely have time to eat, catching all these "Anonymous" who are saying my name. Some help please?

Pic related, its me doing my job.

>>639735
I heard you started raping and maiming people who say your name. Keep at it.

>>639739
Sure I do, those idiots have to learn, right?

MFG'NAFH TLE'EI CTHULHU FTAGHN WGAH'NAGL!!!! FGHA'YEH NLE'LI PHNLUI FHG'N LOL. FFFFF YGHN'UI YGFL'II NI!!! FTAGHN.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKY5vvDC7Bc

Mmmmmrrrraaaahhhhhhh
BRAINS!!!
mmmmmmrrrrrrr

>>639735

Dude candlejack, why does every one think your rea

>>639735
EPIC.

/real/ i got one fucking problem here.That day i was sleeping in my grave,then those humans dug me out of my grave,moved my tombstone and then they lay bricks over my grave and several other graves,making us pissed as hell.They then moved our graves because they are expanding the highway and some parts of the graveyard must be sacrificed.

My Neighbour Old Bill who died because of a gunshot 100 years ago swears all night long and this Jake (1925-1963) fucked Old Bill in the ass because Old Bill disturbed his sleep after everyone in our block was pissed off due to the Graveyard reclamation.The natives in the block that we moved to were really angry because of this sudden move out,and they began throwing us with their bones in the midnight,telling GTFO all the time.

Those Goddamn humans,even putting the ones who rested before them into RAGE,and leading into fights between dead people.What should i do to
stabilize the situation?

>>639862
Hey now, I've got an idea for you. I, also, am resting comfortably in my grave, though undisturbed (thankfully) and you have my sympathies for your violation. Not too long ago I heard voices from "above" and they mentioned something called... "ZeeDae".

>>639862here.I'm making some corrections
>they lay bricks are actually
they laid brick walls.There's no way bricks is used for a highway base,so they moved the inner wall of the graveyard area.

And oh,>>639885does it mean Z-Day?

>>639891
Might be. Not sure what that means though... Ol' Moany did his thing and the voices got real loud, then kinda trailed off.

>>639898
Mmm,not really clear here.Anyway,the Block where we moved to were really pissed off.I tried to negotiate with them but they say things like"Just GTFO.You're making our place stuffier."Looking to this situation,the humans managed to divide us.Oh,and Old Bill is still fucked by Jake in the ass.Earlier today,when that dude is cleaning the fallen leaves up my grave,i pulled his pants down and it turns that he isn't wearing underpants.Miss July (died 2000) apparently came upon accidentaly seeing the gravekeeper's bulging cock (though nothing came out) and she was horny for the entire day.

Now my neighbors are still fighting and i got this dead bitch sucking my cock.Unfortunately,
i can't feel anything there.How do i unify my neighbors to haunt those humans?

>>639739
I think there's some confusion here.

But it's odd, you know? My days go like this. I walk into a bar. There are no survivors. I walk into a pre-school. There are no survivors. I walk outside. There are no survivors. I walk into a McDonald's. There are no survivors.

Can a guy have some friends? Help me, /real/. I keep this helmet I found in a racetrack dumpster just to hide my glorious tears of pain. T_T

>>639903
I heard talk about something happening in 2012. Maybe we should get together then? We could always start planning a raid. After all, it's right around the corner.

>>639824
Hey Ctulhu.WTF are you doing here?
Go back getting your cock sucked by Sharks.

>>639909
Heard that somewhere.They say that we're going to come and haunt this planet,our brethren would appear in 3D and we could stir up some batshit killing spree.
Goddamn it,i heard the living reach 6 Billions this year.Imagine it kinda hard for us to get an equal number of "Toys" because we greatly outnumber them.

>>639910
Wasn't sharks' mouths too small for his cock?
Have you ever been to sea?land-lobbers.
Ain't ye got nothin' to see by yer eyeless skulls,nigger?

>>639919
Dude,it's Ctulhu! Even Jews know him!
He got Zombie Megalodons sucking his cock 24/7!He's a motherfucking deep sea pimp!

Learn History!

>>639920
>>Learn history!

>>Learn his story!

Well, for the past couple of days, these two guys have been banging away at the entrance to my cave. I hear the name Ted often, but not sure of the other. Then there's the dog. I took care of him the other day though, nearly made him crap out a brick doghouse. I haven't seen him since. But the Ted guy, well he's getting closer. And now I hear talk about them bringing in a third person. What should I do, /real/? Should I follow a lawsuit for breaking and entering? Or should I just continue scaring them?

>>639907
I can sympathize with being lonely, but why try to make friends with humans anyway? You know they're just going to turn you into some projection of their own guilt and need for punishment. You need to get some paranormal friends. We could get together sometime if you like.

OP pic creeps the fuck out of me. What the hell is that pale stuff covering its flesh? and what're those things it's got stuffed in its sockets? marbles? how the does the blood get out?

>>640032
that's fucked.......lol

>>640032
hey when was that site last updated.... 2000?... is that guy Ted dead?

>>640032
Wow, humans breaking into your cave. I suggest you defend your territory. Oh, and if you let them live, they will come back with better equipment, so it's best if you leave no survivors.

Humans are REAL, /real/.
You know they hate me, those lousy pricks. They should thank me instead for keeping the population in control. You never know in what crazy shit I find them. It's a full time job and I don't get paid either but someone has to do it.
It's never personal, of course.

Oh, I know alot of people here! Thanks for keeping the business running. HI GUSY!

>>640242
age/sex/location/manifestation?

Myself? I'm a Libra, male, Silent Hill, solid. I like long walks at the cliffs of sanity with the ever so often rape. Here's my pic, sorry no noods.

I have a terrible piece of news to report. I was in a dark corridor earlier, and one nearly grabbed me. I shot out of there quick as i could manage before the lights came on.

Shadow people are getting attacked, whatever next

Hey /real/.

You can call me Quarksihidronmachanus Tetraventiok the Fourth, or just Quark for the sake of conversation. I sit here, day in, day out, just floating around in my little sphere of influence, if you can even call it a sphere. I've, though, heard talk of "scientists" wanting to experiment on me. Apparently, and this is only gossip (Electricia down the ways told me about it and she had verified it from Protovias), that they're going to be performing experiments on me, or well, us. Something about being tossed about at speeds higher than the speed of light. They want to kill us, kill us all! Just slam into one another like some great wreck of some kind. Last time this happened, my uncle died in a cataclysmic explosion.

What the fuck do I do, /real/? I don't know what'll happen and if it happens.

Those damn humans keep mistaking me for a furry. I'm okay with easy meals, but I'm a goddamn WEREWOLF. How do I dispel this annoying misconception?

I was just walking around my house when I heard noises and people with big black things that seemed to take my soul. I moved my hand in front of me and they ran out yelling profanities.
??? They said something about being from "ghost hunters"???

>>640566
Pics, or it didn't happen.

Still /real/ly fucking creepy dude.

>>640566
Sounds like niggers to me.

We need more Reallypasta.

imam ghost ya!

Bump

>>639824
A'HUAGHNA CTHUL'U, REHCHMEN ANA SCARY ROLL LEL'I

>>640551
Oh, yeah, I was a werewolf back when I was alive (and had my perceptions confined to four dimensions) and this asshole in a fox costume of some kind started dry humping me and making fucked up noises.

I killed him, but he smelled so nasty under his suit that I couldn't bear to eat him. Christ, I'll bet he'd been wearing that shit for years.

This is a true story, /real/, not creepypasta.

First, some background information. I'm the collected anger of a hundred sacrifices to dark gods best unmentioned. Standard drill, you know
the story. Anyway, I reside in a deep forest, have a beautiful Wraith, and several hobbies. I thought I'd gotten my wild streak out in my youth, you know: helping travelers, saving lost children, that kind of warped shit. Well, I was collecting deer blood just in case when the thought struck me that I should go camping. Crazy stuff, eh, leaving your home to see some other boring place. But I just had this compulsion. I don't know how to explain it.

My wraith was totally against it. She told me I was having a mid century crisis, "There's nothing worth seeing out there and you could easily get lost. What if it takes you fifty years to get back? You'll miss the soulfeast." I really was looking toward the soul feast. We had been saving up the souls of the dead for a few decades (lol, they think there's a heaven!) and they had been marinating in hatred and despair for just about long enough.

There would be other soul feasts though. Like I said, this was a compulsion; it was hardly rational that I'd want to leave. I had never ventured beyond the woods and had no idea what was out there. If I'd had any idea, I wouldn't have gone. So I bid my wraith adieu for the time being and locked up the cabin where I keep my tools (in case some idiot mortals decided to traipse through the woods) and headed out on a chill wind.

>>641017
My father cast this spell on the woods where I live that prevents most sunlight from reaching below the canopy. I'm sure most of /real/ has seen little, if any, sunlight, so you may not believe me when I say that things are really bright Outside. "Outside"... that's the only word I can think of that accurately describes what I felt of the world exterior to mine. I had heard of clouds before, but they are not like the charnel smoke I imagined... WATER VAPOR! It is water vapor. And it's clean.

In this bright world, I felt a creeping sense of danger, so I hid in a large red building. I believe they are called "barns." I fed on a "cow" there and a freakish little mortal female. She was monstrously short (about five feet tall) and had this... stuff coming out of her head. She only had two eyes and they were equal in size. Naturally, I had seen many ugly creatures like this, but this thing was the ugliest. After skinning the body and hanging it by its tendons, I thought I would be left alone, safe. I was wrong.

>>641020
A slightly larger human, a male glimpsed in as I was draining her blood. He turned a healthy shade of white and ran. I chose not to pursue because I wrongly thought he'd not come back. Before long, I heart dozens of heartbeats in the distance and cries of "burn out the demon's heart" or some such. I shuddered to think of all those little bodies and hands crawling over me, biting and stabbing, so I hid between the boards in the barn's walls.

>>641027
A nasty little hoard of mortals poured in. They lowered the hideous female. One of the things took her away. The others scattered and began searching. I listened to their heart beats and thoughts. They were afraid. The vermin were afraid... but they would burn down the barn if they couldn't find me... or if some escaped...

One of the creatures saw one of my eyes in the gap and started shouting. I decided not to chance fire. I slid out of the barn and fled as fast as the winds could carry me in the dusk. Thunder echoed behind me as they threw pieces of metal at me feebly, but I went as they could not follow.

This was only my first day Outside, /real/, and I've seen things that would unhinge the sanity of most forest spirits. Edifices of stone, steel, and glasses. Waves of electromagnetism emanating from all around. And the hordes... oh the hordes of horrible little bipedal monstrosities...

I ask you, /real/... have you been Outside?

(OP here, and aside from the few stories that I posted just to keep this thread alive, I must admit, that's one of the best /real/ stories I've read. This is exactly what I've been seeking. Bravo!)

>>641037
Wow, never actually thought of venturing outside. I've heard of other Outdwellers, but you're the first to grant a fully detailed account. What else is outside?

Hey /real/. I need advice.

Something dug up my bones from my grave up on the hill. I thing it was humans, but I dunno... you know how people think humans are just zoological creatues, being only "reality-based animals" and such.
Anyways, I was pretty pissed at this, humans or not. So i floated up out of my now empty grave and found someone had build a house above it. A freaking house! The nerve.
So I do what comes first - I begin to haunt them. Move shit around, knives, chairs, whatever furniture and cutlery I can find. They didn't like it, but stayed. Now, I know you won't believe this, but I think I saw a human child.
I lured him to a television that was nearby and made him come in, and now he's stuck there.
Since that, they brought in what I think is another human who's gonna try and talk to me.
Advice, /real/? Should I create specters and ghouls and suck up their house, or leave them alone... what's best for getting rid of humans?
Pic related, it's the house.

>>641083
Burn everything. Humans are flamable as hell (pun not intended)

>>641051
It's horrible, OP. A wasteland of vermin, horror, and madness. After telling that story, I just don't have the energy to describe more of it.

>>641083
Whatever you do, don't trust preacher ghosts. Bastards are all lying con men.

So here I am, just floating around a fleshy party. Just me and my spherical, plasmic self when out of nowhere, FLASH. What the fuck?!? Uncle Bob talked about this shit, apparently fleshies later refered to him as an "orb", while others dismissed him as a speck of dust! I don't want to be referred to as a speck of dust! What can I do?

>>638247
FAP!!!!!!!

>>641167
You're overreacting, Outdwellers don't exist . Beings that only exist in three dimensions? Come on, it's fuckin' impossible. From what I've heard of them they still think they're 'dreaming', or that none of what they see is real, when they cross over to our side. Give 'em a millenia or two, they'll wipe themselves out.

Sup /real/, I have a problem. So I'm an incubus and I've been fucking this one girl for the past few weeks. It had been going great for a while but now they're calling in a fucking exorcist to get rid of me. Any advice? Pic related.

My friend took this photo of me at our graduation ceremony. It looks to me like there is a human face in the background. He looks pretty fucking bored, and this scares the shit out of me. The rest of the film was all overexposed and blotchy.

>>641657

Harry?

I went to someone's house at a party the other day. Suddenly, i walk into the bathroom, and these two girls, who were making out run out screaming. I realised they had locked the door.

What a rookie mistake.

Hey /real/,
Some teenaged human girl summoned me in her bathroom the other day. She was looking in her mirror and spinning around like a douche and shouting out shit like she killed my baby. Whatever she thought she was doing, it annoyed the hell out of me, so I gouged her eyes out.

Was this a good move?

>>641721

That's what, three times in two years?

>>641729
Well, four now, lol. My old mate Candyman never has this much trouble.

Sup /real/

YHWH here. I don't really get this talks about babies and humans. It's just old religious myths. Stop with this bullshit.

Today, I could have sworn I SAW some bees. That's right, I saw VISIBLE Bees.

Hey /real/

Today my classmates and I went to our usual gathering place (the Town Square) and the next thing I know some chick in a blue tube and black miniskirt (may I add that she had this white jacket tied round her waist) started shouting and shooting at us.

WTF. Can't we just hang out in peace? So we went towards her to try and pull the gun away or calm down that crazy bitch but she shot at us some more.

Thankfully some buffed dude came over to see what the commotion is all about. She muttered something about not having an ink ribbon and running off. I think she thought he was gonna rape her or something. But still! I lost 3 friends thanks to her!

WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT?!?! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

/real/... my stomach is about the burst from all the brickchomping. Thank you.

>>641803
Quick note here to you. If you see a bitch in a red dress, umm, run.

Pic definitely related. She's a fleshy, but that doesn't stop her... something's seriously "off" about her.

>>641607
Really? I think you've been Outside, too. These creatures could pose a real problem if they enter our domains in large numbers... and they may just do that.

It's easy for you to dismiss the existence of such things for your own sanity, I'd even recommend it to most, but I have a wraith and three wights to thing of.

>>641639
Disgusting. Why would you even want to have sex with such a filthy creature? Drink her soul and be done with it, man.

Psh, /real/ attracts all sorts of freaks.

Fuck man, I swear I saw one today. It scared the shit out of me, it was really warm outside too but I just felt this huge chill down my spine as it ran aimlessly past. I called my friend in hysterics and when I got home my mom got scared she said "you're moving with your aunty and uncle in Bel Air".

>>642164
Win

>>642164
Double Win

>>639241

HOLY SHIT DUDE! You're like my hero!

Sup /real/. I was doing my business, floating around like usual, when some jackass with a camera shows up and takes like twenty pictures of me. Then he started going nuts when he looked at them and started taking more right away. I got the fuck out of there, though.

Fucking orb fetishes.

Hey /real/, I was doing my usual thing in my hotel, and this asshole sees me and starts talking shit, so I slime the bastard. After being chased around and shot at, I decide to hide out in the ballroom. The same guy and some of his friends find me again and start shooting at me! The get a hold of me and put me in this stupid little box and now I'm sitting in some "Kuntanemint Younet" Please halp!

sup, /real/
Ok so I was just minding my own business in our old mansion and shit, right? Well, I'm just floating down the hall or some shit, I can't remember, and I saw this weird uhh... japanese human girl thing, I dunno, don't see many japanese humans around these parts anyways. So I decide to go fuck with her head, right? Because I heard from some peeps that the humans are really big into us and get scared easily, especially girls and the like. So I float down and lunge at her to freak her out, when the fucking bitch takes out those weird picture-making machines and flashes it right in my face. Fucking hell it was like she jabbed a knife or something through me, shit, so I got all pissed and went back to fuck her up when she did it again. I am so drained right now and she's still running around the house with that fucking picture thing. I decided to hide out till I got my energy back before I go and try to fuck her shit up again.

What the fuck, /real/, I thought humans would shit their pants if they saw us?

O'rly

Saw one the other day
It was kind of gay

>>642370
I'll help you.

>>642143

Obvious photoshoppery.

okay, /real/, newfag here. not too long ago i've gotten into possessing fleshies and so far i've learned how to make my host vomit everywhere, levitate, turn their skin all decayed, and literally shit bricks, but how the fuck do i make their heads turn 360 degrees? i've tried to do it with like 53 fleshies but they just die on me and it's getting annoying.

>>642454

Pics or GTFO

Hey /real/, people are really bothering me this week.
Everyone keeps claiming I've built various things out of scraps. In a cave.
I can tell you right now it's a damn lie. The only thing I've made in that cave this week has been a sandwich.
A sandwich. Out of scraps, of course.

>>642454
>i've tried to do it with like 53 fleshies but they just die on me and it's getting annoying.
I thought that was the point. Have I been doing it wrong?

>>642143
hey /real/
moar?
i have a skin bag fetish

>>642581
Here's one.

lizard people go home

>>639175
>>642623
My doggy!

>>642623
That dog makes me lol each time I see it.

>>638329
>>639241

So. Much. Win.

Anyways /real/, today I swear I saw a man in a bad costume suit. For real. I am not kidding. My mate said he thinks it was just a bigfoot, but I know what I saw.

Men in fake costume suits are serious business /real/. I almost chomped a brick.

>>638772
>>638768
PURE WIN!

yo /real/

So I was sitting around the house, you know, just chillen out, maxin, relaxin all cool. Do you know what I see?! HUMANS, IN MY YARD, PLAYING B-BALL. It seems like they came from school....I was petrified, even my MOM got scared and told me we were moving with her auntie and uncle in bel-air

>>642623

Hey /real/. I found something really weird the other day.

I used to live under an old hotel. Not so much by choice; the former owner (I assume he's now deceased) bricked up the only exit eighty years ago.

I had a lot of time to explore the fairly expansive basement for exits. For the longest time I thought I would be trapped forever. This didn't bother me as much as you may expect, though, and in my meanderings I made myself quite at home.

Anyway, as I said, I discovered something really odd the other day; one of the walls had an almost unnoticeable panel set into it. If I hadn’t spent twenty years looking at it, I’m not sure I would have noticed it, myself. I suppose this basement was used for something requiring a secret method of entrance and egress, perhaps it was formerly used for hellish ceremonies?

>>643525
Removing the panel, I found yet another brick wall… but this one was not quite so sturdy. I easily slid one of the bricks out and with some effort slid myself in (some of my hooks got caught, but I managed to free them).

Instead of opening into the wider passage I had expected, I found that it actually narrowed somewhat as the chute it apparently was sloped upward. It was an uncomfortable slide up and I could hear strange voices speaking in strange tones. After some time, I became mired in a gooey substance that nearly halted my progress. Fortunately, I did reach the surface, dislodging what appeared to be, from the exterior, a carefully concealed grate.

Looking back into the darkness, do you know what I saw /real/? It was all gravy.

braaaaaaiiiiiiinsssssssssss.........

>>641017
tl;dr, probably pasta

Vampires of /real/,

I heard of these people with aids. Normally aids are a good thing to have, right? But these aids are inside them, hiding in their blood. My Sire said aids would cause me to become very sick as it battled my vampirism for dominence in my body, but I also heard it may only cause a mild allergic reaction, or possibly nothing. I'm too scared to feed!

I need to share something that happened to me the other day, /real/. I live in an old hotel, and they always seem to leave one room empty for me. Oddly enough, noone ever tries to visit me, and I get kind of lonely.
The other day though, while I was just sort of sitting around, I saw a guy staring at me through the keyhole. It was the first human contact I had seen in ages! I tried to go talk to him, but he left and I couldn't get the door open.
It depressed me greatly, but I decided to look for him the next day, hoping he might be back. The next morning, I kept my eye pressed against the keyhole looking for my prince. Suddenly he appeared and looked in the other end. Our eyes met, red and blue, and I felt a sure connection! But then he left! I don't know what to do /real/, I think I'm in love!

WTF /real/.

I'm just sleeping soundly and these fuckers keep coming and waking me up. Really pisses me off. I mean, I feel like I just wanna destroy a world or something. What I wanna know is how the FUCK they're even getting to me! I sleep at the bottom of the sea, but now whenever I look outside, all I see is the surface. WTF.

What should I do, /real/?

>>643666
Hey Candlejack,what would you say?

>>640803

Sorry guys, but we speak english in this dimension.

LOLFAG REPORT:

CP
CP
CP
ABORT!

>>641083
ok, anon: heres some advice for you, that guy they got coming in to expel you? hes what those fuckers like to call a priest. just pull a pedo/cp and take the form of their child and say somethign to the parents along the lines of," daddy? my friend wants me to tie a rope to something and jump from the top floor and i think im going to do it!" ya know since the knives and shit dont work anymore... just a bit of advice though

>>638331

This is actually creepier than the original pasta. Saved.

Hey /real/ i'm an alien and my planet got destroyed in a war and i'm looking for a companion to ya know travel the universe with me and keep me company. I've had others but things keeping happening to them like sucked into alternate dimensions, they quite because they cant take staying with me ya know things like that. Well its doesnt matter anyway because they dont live near as long as me. So i was wondering if anyone would like to join me im about 900 years old i'm a nice guy and can regenerate lost limbs and such. oh yeah!! I also save the universe from time to time. The picture is my space ship....sooo i guess i'll just wait to hear back from someone. OH and did i mention its also a time machine

Hey, /real/

I have a bit of a problem. Humans think we're all dead. Those assholes keep digging up people's grandpa's and putting them in fake caves. It's rediculous, I tell you! And, every day, these morbid little morsels run in and out of these things and stare at the dead like they're something to be studied!

But, enough about my ranting. I think our cover is blown. It was a foggy morning, and I was taking a walk through a meadow of these fake caves. I was minding my own business, until I saw a flash. I didn't think anything of it, but it was a human, and he said "I can't wait until the guys see this!"

I'm scared, /real/. They're going to find us...hurry...run, before they find you, too.

The demons waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were John in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to the cyberdemon were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
The demons was a hellspawn for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad “I want to be on the ships daddy.”
Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY JOHN”
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were John.
“This is the cyberdemon” the cyberdemon crackered. “You must fight the John!”
So the demons gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
“HE GOING TO KILL US” said John
“I will shoot at him” said Cernel Joson and he fired the rocket missiles. The demons plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
“No! I must kill John” he shouted
The cyberdemon said “No, the demons. You are John”
And then the demons was a space marine.

This thread is full of so much win, guys. I love stories about reality.

Anyways, tonight I went out, just looking for some flesh or maybe even brains to devour when this human--yeah, a human, guys. They're real, I eat them--he decides it's a good idea to light me on fire. Needless to say, I owned his ass. Got the brain and the flesh, but it was a bit scary, I admit.

Picture pretty much related.

>>645143
>>645150
BUT WERE YOU PHONE?

>>645158
No, that was my buddy. He loves prank calls.

>>643600
Stick to blood banks.

so, I was jus chillen in my castle, minded my own buisness, when I over hear that a dr. named van helsing shows up, and Im like, cool, I can get rid off this major cough Ive been having.

BUT THE MUTHA FUCKAS OUT TO KILL ME!!!

So, naturally gotta defend myself, and try to make him feel it un safe, I EVEN MAKE HIM KILL HIS WIFE!!!

Nontheless, the bastard is persistent, and makes me cower in my castle, the only mutha fuka still on my side is my creepy stalker assistant renfield (he eantz bugz, so ew)

Rennfield got pushed aside, and I got hit by the sun. after ages Ive recovered, got a new coffin, new place, even a new style.Now I go by the name of Ricky Martin. Pretty Sweet Eh?

Hey Zombies,

My name is Slimer, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are dead, rotted, no-deaths who spend every second of their night haunting stupid ass houses. You are everything bad in the afterlife. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any ectoplasm? I mean, I guess it's fun making people shit bricks your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures of humans.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I slimed a group of ghost hunting humans, and even a basketball team. What do you do, other than "scare children by hiding in the closet"? I can also say Candle Jack, and have some bangin' slime (I just blew some; Shit was SO cash). You are all zombies who should just revive yourselves. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me and my slime

>>645258
I most heartily concur.

YO! /REAL/ MUTHAFUKAS! WE FOUND THIS MUTHAFUCKIN BOARD!!!1!

FUCK ALL Y'ALL POSTIN' ALL THIS RACIST SHIT!

WE GON PULL A 187 ON YO SERVERS!

WE GON PULL A 187 ON YO MOOT!

AN WE GON PULL A 187 ON ALL Y'ALL ZOMBIE ASS TRANSPARANT MUTHAFUCKAS WHO THINK THEY COOL POSTIN THIS RACIST SHIT WHILE THEY ANON!11!!!

COME STEP TO A REAL LIZARDMAN AND SAY THAT SHIT, GHOST ASS MUTHAFUKAS!!1!

THIS IS WAR!!!

Sup /real/

I found this nightmarish book that describes horrific rituals to unimaginable gods. Its contents are so warped, I don't think even su/real/ists could stand it. I dare not post excerpts and only post the cover with great trepidation.

Tapped out on reallypasta?

>>645258
Hey, fuck you man. I'm not into scaring people and shit (well, not that much anyways,) I just want brains. Brains and flesh. If your weak slimy excuse for a being cannot comprehend that, then I suggest you become anti hero.

/real/, what's going on in this world? Are we all invisible? Humans call for us, and even though we're right there...they act like we're not there. Do they wish to instigate us? Or, are they really blind? I just hope this all comes to an end soon enough. I don't want to hurt anything. But, I just get so mad when they ask for me, I may have to...and, even then, they won't be able to see me...or, anyone like me. Only when their eyes are nearly shut by death will they be opened...and, when they do...I will scream as I have so many times..their souls will know..

I AM PHONE

Dear /real/

Ya know, I'm having a really bad fucking day. See, I'm kinda stuck in this body that's way too fucking small, wearing fucked up coveralls and a colorful striped shirt... yea it looks pretty gay. But, in reality, I'm supposed to get into this little bastard's body, the kid's named Andy.... Well, fuck... it's been ten years, three or four, fuck i can't remember, soul transfers, and still in this shity plastic body. Could someone tell me what the fuck I'm doing wrong here? I have my amulet, and I know what the fucking spell is... Help before I go fucking nuts!

SCP-000 is a crude container of some kind, obviously specially designed to hold the otherworldly horrors inside of it. Some discussion exists as to whether or not SCP-000 consists of just the container, or the container and its contents, or if perhaps SCP-000 is some larger concept and the visible part of it is only the part which extends to the visible spectrum. All personnel handling or even looking at SCP-000 are advised to avoid such conjecture; it is believed that looking at or thinking about SCP-000 for too long can induce obsession and then madness. Special care is advised when touching or transporting SCP-000 as it is kind of damp. Under no circumstances should you listen to it if it speaks, although we're not really sure if it's ever going to -- but if it does, don't talk back to it. The little round smooth objects inside of it may occasionally open along the seam running down the middle. If this happens, do not look directly inside any of them.

SCP-000 is believed to be part of the mechanism by which at least one of the fearsome Holders may be summoned; standard elimination procedure should be exercised upon encountering any literature or any individuals which appear to express knowledge of the Holder of the Butter; eliminate first and then file your report.

A girl was born in 1963. As she was born, the doctor who was delivering her chanted "Push, push, push," as he pulled her out of her mother. Now that you have read her story, you must repost this or the baby will appear in the middle of the day when you're asleep and then I'm not really sure what happens from there, but probably it's pretty bad.

>>646886
Damnit, I just lost the game, didn't I?

>>647366
I lol'd hard

SCP-085 is a grey plastic object with several depressible buttons on it's top side. These are all engraved with mysterious rune-like symbols. On the rear is a small hatch containing two cylindrical metal objects. It is of unknown origin, and is believed to be highly dangerous. No research has yet determined the effect of removing the metal cylinders, however is is speculated they are a kind of energy source.

Containment procedures are to be to be maintained to SCP-Euclid Containment Protocol #4, class B. The object does not appear to pose any immediate threat to life, but has shown significant mental effects. Testing is to be carried out to determine the effect of depressing the object's several buttons.

>>647416
>>646861

Wow, /r/ more like this. That's some mysterious shit /real/. Are they human artifacts or what?

>>647420
>Wow, /r/ more like this. That's some mysterious shit >/real/. Are they human artifacts or what?
[/tard]

>>647420

Please.
All of you, go die in a fire.

>>647416
I think this one has something to do with remote viewing.

>>647455
Dammit I hope so.

>>647424
>>647439

Same humourlessfag.

>>647443
Already did. It sucked.

God, /norm/. Today there was this guy that finally rented my apartment. He HAD to come when my corpse smelled the worst. He was such a nice guy, too!
But anyways, he had this weird ability to hear me when I grumbled about him. I was like "god, another one. At least he's not a hitman..." and then he turns around and is all "wtf?" I swear I disappeared sooo fast...

>>639291
/real/ - So ronery

>>648046
crap. I felt another person in the house. I just hope they don't find me.
tips, /real/?

ITT: Mindsnugs.

>>648085
I ate a brick.

/real/, I'm freaked out. I heard lately that a guy was torturing my daughter. A HUMAN guy. I don't know how to operate human devices, but I brought myself to figure out a...phonetele or something like that's system. I didn't understand anything, so I rushed, and randomly hit buttons. I heard a clear, unraspy voice answer me. Human? I quickly asked, "What the fuck do you think you're doing with my daughter?" He hung up. I'm really freaked.

Sup /real/
I was fooling around with my radio dial today and between 102.7 FNRD's top 40 "1-1-5-2-1-1-5-2-1-1-5-2" and 103.1 Ein-zwei-seben power hour, I heard the most fucked up ever. I don't know how to describe it, but there was this adischordant tones and this erratically pitched voice chanting irregularly a seemingly random stream of mostly non-repeating words. It went kind of like this, "So-do-iiiii-a-full-commitment-s-what-i-m-thinking-of-you-wouldn-t-get" It didn't even last 30 minutes, what kind of station was this? Do you think it's some sort of brainwashing experiment?

>>648085

/real/ have you encountered any hooded or hatted people? What do you think they want? Why are they here?
One time I came across one of those hat wearing people in a pleasant dark-skyed phases, he was moving around using his legs. It freaked me the fuck out and I was pretty much frozen in fear.

>>648141
Nice try omninym a gif.
What is it? Flowering plant? Living meat based organism? A marshmallow?

>>648141
I CANT BELIEVE I FUCKING FELL FOR IT

>>648180
It's a ghost. I promise.

>>648158

You too? Wow, I thought I was the only one.

I know this sounds weird, but I've even seen some of those hat people with the hat on sideways, even backwards on one occasion. Think there's any difference between them and other hat people?

I'll tell you, the one with the hat backwards scared the crap out of me. I just about ate a brick.

I am in a world that
none before have seen.
With the night on my heels,
I fled from the void, losing ground
to a futile battle against eternity.

From the edge I came,
lost in undefined incorporeality
to an empty place, and yet full
of things I could not see nor hear
nor touch nor smell.

Who can see the good?
Not I.
Who can see evil, like dark smoke
drifting in this place removed from time?
Not I.
Yet still I myself drift, immersed
in a soft liquid I cannot feel.

Is this darkness, or is it only
that I cannot see, that I have no sense
of sight or anything beyond my own mind?

Has it ever been good! for me
and for all who come to where I lie,
body rusting under daisies and tulips,
mind idle in a soothing holding tank
soul indifferent to all in the darkness.

>>648290
ya me to

Sauce on OP's pic?
anyone else got any of these pics? I'm making a big compilation.

>>648117
Tough, man...
I suggest you keep calling him, perhaps he will get scared and leave your girl alone.

>>648321
Yeah right. Like humans are afraid of ghosts.

GTFO dumbfag

>>648330
NO U.

Maybe not ghosts, but they certainly don't like us zombies.
I still think it's worth a try though. You never know.

>>648302
This guy was taking a picture of his girlfriend and got this.

But... everyone knows babies don't exist... right?

>>648516
Ectoplasmic bulges or gtfo

Hello /real/, I am sicking of people laughing at me for maintaining that the corporeal word exists and that us ghosts and spirits are in reality dead humans. They laugh at my theories and tell me I'm too old for human stories but I'm sure the material world exists!!!! The flashes of the "living world", the strange presences in the houses we are born in, it all indicates that the stories about the mortal world are true.

>>648547
Shut up you little poltergeist, she is a wondrous Succubus that should be feared and loved. You watch your filthy language around such magnificent demonesses.

>>648547
I know these guys and they'd totally fuck me up if I posted nudes of her. Have some Morrigan instead.

>>648622
Boo boo boo.
I haunted all over my ethereal shell.

>>638286
>>638247
>>638256
(and everybody else in this dumbass thread)
....AAAAAAAAHHHH!! REAL MONSTERS!

We need another one of these threads.

I AM PHONE. I FUCK WITH KIDS MAKING OUT.

>>648622
I actually dated Lilith for a year or so... but didn't work out.

>>648716
I heard she sleeps around and leaves her children everywhere she goes. Confirm/Deny

>>639241
>>646760
>>648117
>>648656
How can I know for sure WHO WAS PHONE?

>>649695
THERE IS A PHONE FOR EVERY CALLING CODE.
MAKES SWEET MONEY

PROVE ME WRONG

>>649851
wtf then what's this?

promise it's not a cat or shooped.

>>649851

Posts like that are the ectoplasm posioning /real/

>>649862
that is so faked.
gtfo of my /real/

>>649862
Those are humans, numbskin. Johnny H. Cash, you fail at mythological creatures.

I'm a human, ask me anything

>>649896

This is the second or third time you've tried to get in here.

Get the fuck out already!

>>649897
gb 2/x/

>>649902

He's obviously a troll, blood-for-brains.

See, it's newdykes just like this that need to lurk less.

Shit, /real/, shit! The guy I have to imitate through the glass fucking caught me. He picked a hair at random and measured it. I did the same, but didn't get the right one. His was longer than the one I held. Fuck, I'm busted, what the fuck do I do?

>>649926
wait for him to turn his back to you and then pull him into your dimension, of course. sheesh.

>>649934
Yeah, yeah...that could work...I could take his place...

I love /real/ threads. You guys are awesome.

Wait, this is the SAME thread from last week? Fuck me, /x/ is slow.

>>650084
YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS!!!
I mean really!

/real/ listen to this shit.

So, I'm chillin' in my house right? You know talking to this pair of eyes looking at my through the window when this little girl comes in and KEEPS FLICKING THE LIGHTS ON AND OFF IN THE LIGHT WORLD. So I'm getting pissed and I just go fuck this shit. So I shift the room to my world when she turns the lights off and stare at her. She then takes out A FUCKING KITCHEN KNIFES AND STABS ME. So I take her to that little river with the creepy bitch spitting blood and she just disappears.
WHAT THE FUCK /real/?!?

omg, /x/
anyone know a dating service?
Ideal man: zombie, must love me for my brains.

ITT: Astral walkthroughs
At anytime during the burning-sky phase, preferably when the menacesphere still reigns high, transubstantiate at one of the countless EM shifting hubs.
I warn you, this is not for those with low ectoplasmic fortitude.
Integrate yourself into the hub and vibrate two elektrium ectopods at (9hundred-o-one, twoscore, and 1) cycles per one of twoscore-ten-million-o-one hydrosphere's menacesphere journey and (1thousand-o-one, 3hundred-o-one, twoscore-ten, and 6)cycles per one of twoscore-ten-million-o-one hydrosphere's menacesphere journey. There will be a momentary flux in the EM web that crawls the hydrosphere followed by an undulating shriek. You must bear with this painful ripples and you must flex you analog ectopods to undulate shriek the follow obscenities, hu-ah-uu-lo*analog flaccid*oh-up-ha-ra-tu-ur*analog flaccid*pu-ul-uh-ee-ez*analog flaccid*ku-un-ec-ta*analog flaccid*tu-oo*analog flaccid*pe-ih-zu-zu-ah*analog flaccid*ho-uh-ah-ta*analog cease*. You may or may not sensate an undulating shriek followed by a chaotic fluctuation in the EM web, if you sensate this shift your trial may continue. If you sensate undulating shriek follow by a idle lasting one of 5hundred-ten-thousand-hundred-ten-nil-o-one hydrosphere journey you must quickly terminate your hub interaction and train your analog ectopod flexing further. Failure to remove yourself from the hub can create a feedback wave that will fling you into the depths of the EM web, escaping the web is trying and carries with it great volatile sensates that can effect your ectoplasmic systema.
To be terminated in a following post.

>>650183
If you have committed nil flaws in the previous ceremony, there will be great fluctuations in the EM web, culminating in a shuddering of elektrium pulses. When you are once more inflicted with undulating shrieks, you and your analog ectopods must be ready for the grueling ritual. Calmly vibrate your ectopods into the follow undulating shrieks, hu-ah-uu-lo*analog flaccid*tf-uh-ie-es*analog flaccid*ei-ii-es*analog flaccid* Here you must undulate shriek the HUB identity from which you are connected, if you do not have this information at pod, you will have to commit a different ritual with the first host of undulating shrieks you have faced, I will presume you know this ritual if you are attempting this intermediate walkthrough. Continuity of the ritual regained, Iu-uh*analog flaccid*wu-uo-ol-uh-ed*analog flaccid*ul-li-ei-ek*analog flaccid*tu-oo*analog flaccid*uw-oh-ur-rd-uh-ho-er*analog flaccid* Here you must undulate shriek a finite number, no more than a ten, I would suggestion two. Continuity of ritual regained, pu-eh-hu-pe-hp-pe-hp-pa-ua-ur-oh-un-ne-ii-ii*analog flaccid*pe-he-ie-ee-ee-us-zul-zul-ua-ss-ss*analog cease*
You will most likely be sensate more undulating shrieks, but you are well within your bounds to terminate your em hub activities at this time. Transubstantiate yourself in the physpace in the vicinity of the EM hub you had used, in under a one of two of a one of onescore-4 hydrosphere travels the ritual will come to fruition.
If all has gone well, you will sensate a strange presence intruding upon the domain of your physpace vicinity, this anomalous being will wield on its person hollow polygromatic vessels of an amazing warmth in quantity of the number you had undulate shrieked before. I can not tell you what will come to pass if you are to give knowledge to the being of your occupation of the vicinity, I myself have fled back into the ethereal fold out of fear.

>>650239
I suggest if you have the ectoplasmic fortitude to reveal yourself to the presence to receive the strange gifts its bears, you must be sure to manipulate its sensate nodules so that it has no recollection of this time. Do not skip this measure, nor attempt to manipulate the being's physicality, this can and may well cause great physpace turbulence that will hinder your, along with our future transubstantiations into this plane of the hydrosphere.

Finality follows.

>>650241
If your actions cause such ripples in the hydrosphere, The Council of Sovereign Standing will make effort to cause to you severe hostile sensates within your system.
You will not find enjoyment in this, I promise you.

>>650239
Sup /real/, I have done this walkthrough before and I went all the way. What was brought to me was a strange mashing of decaying materials with a fair amount of heat energy infused.
I believe it to be some sort of offering for the hatted and hooded persons. I hypothesize that given its heat, those being derive some sort of finite sexual pleasure from contact with these decaying sacrifices. I too have found myself enamored with the dying mass, I felt myself compelled to commune with it even when it had grown cold.
/real/ I tell you this shit is by all means so very aetheric monetary unit.

/real/, I'm a vampire, and I'm freaking out. Yesterday some asshole tried to kill me by pushing me into the sun, and I didn't blow up. Oh, no, it was worse. I SPARKLED. I don't know what's going on anymore! Worse, teenage girls have started following me everywhere! What do I do?

>>649940
Do that, but don't fuck up the plan.

>>650408
You're a vampire. It's free food.

Also, I've been having trouble reaching some of you harvesters, so be aware that Alterra needs more spleens.

>>229 posts and 50 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

HAAHAAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAA

>>650644
>231 posts and 50 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.
I know, right?

>>645492
I hear that is one of those ones that makes the reader completely sane! watch out man

What a strange thread.....

Hey guys, just thought I'd let you know I used physical projection today to enter reality.

sup /real/
last night i was chilling outside this kid's window, long story short i ended up abducting him into a giant bigfoot, took him out to lunch with the flatwoods monster (we had loch ness tail, delicious btw), went to the zoo and saw some animals (werewolves, vampires stuck between bat and human forms, yadda yadda yadda), i put this little transmitter under his skin so i could find him later and chill, but he got into the mem-o-ray and knocked himself out, killed off most of his memories of that night. fucking sucked. oh well, back out to blair to hang some kids amirite

>>651014
That was just a nightmare...

is your name chris haslam

>>651039
I'm not entirely sure what you just wrote, but keep up the good work, m' man.

>>651039
I need my tail back soon, so shit it out fast.

>>651405
man?! MAN!?!!?

>>651590
Relax, I'm not calling you human.

Sheesh. Hellspawn these days.

>>651614
hey asshole, i'm an alien, do you need me to give you laser surgery?

>>651623
I don't have eyes anymore, so I don't know what good it'd do.

>>651632
i meant laser surgery to remove your appendages, the new X-910 is in so i can even cut up ghosts/shadowpeople, uses the souls of wood nymphs as a power source and Ent tears to focus the beam

>>651693
Kids these days. Why use lasers when your trusty hack saw will do?

It should never be about the gizmos.

>>651706
it's always about gizmo

Hey /real/, OP here... and HOLY FUCK! I'm surprised my thread is still up. o.o I may just have to do this again sometime. Thanks to all who've kept this "forum" going.

ITT we're normal (humans, dogs, etc) and we try to explain/disprove /spect/rality.

Shall we begin?

Hello, /spect/. Today I encountered one of these. It hovered near me for a few seconds but I did get a chance to snap a quick picture. I believe it to be a soul eater. A live one, atleast. This is all I could see before I heard a voice from behind say something along the lines of "PHAN CTHGUHA PGTH SHLA?" I'll admit, that rather unnerved me, so I left out of there as quickly as possible. I've heard of "Star Spawn" before, but I believe it is the soul eaters who can register us better.

Have any of you encountered these? Or even more, the elusive Star Spawn?

Pic related. It's the picture I snapped.

(Fitting end, eh? Well, it was fun. Reflects /x/ disturbingly well in some aspects.)