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Firing Up Those Infernal Presses Anonymous
Creepy workshop.

Post your HOME BREWED, preferably FRESH creepypasta. Discuss and critique other peoples' creepypasta ("It fails" counts as critique). Post your half-baked ideas and collaborate on new creepypasta.

Discuss creepypasta, urban legend and creepy writing in general; what makes it creepy?
What's your favorite and why? What makes the greats great, and what is overdone or ineffective?

OP hasn't creepied in awhile, so in this edition I'll welcome anything recent, even if you didn't write it yourself (but say so if you didn't), as I'm interested in the direction that creepypasta has taken.

In before fags posting popular creepypastas as their own. In before 9,001 SCPs and holders.
>> Anonymous
Perhaps the most dramatic device in creepypasta, one often utalized in old-school urban legends long before the internet, is the one that I am going to, for lack of a better term, call the "wha-SHIT" effect.

Consider a pasta you're all familiar with, "Their eyes were read".

You notice a detail (all he saw was red) and keep reading. Then you later realize what it really was (the ghost staring back at him), and that you didn't see it at the time. And you shit a brick. The classical "Humans can lick too" urban legend uses the same trick; she thinks her dog is licking her hand, only later finding out that it was really some crazy guy hiding under her bed.

It's easy to speculate as to why this device works. When a person dismisses some detail as harmless only to later find out that it poses a great threat, they naturally shit bricks. What you thought was a big floating log just blinked; the sun glinting off that vine made it appear distinctly scaley; you thought those footsteps in the livingroom a few minutes ago were your wife but she's been in bed asleep all along. In such cases, the subject's alarm is an evolutionary response, as they might need to react quickly to compensate for their earlier oversight.
>> Anonymous
And apparently, the brain doesn't stop to ask "Is this fiction?" for this particular response; it's something that takes place durring information processing, not necessarially durring real experience. All you have to do is give the reader some detail, make him dismiss it as harmless or unimportant, and then later get him to realize that something strange or sinister was there all along.

Fiction triggers this response in humans, because it is just a long series of details and information: if you can make the reader double-take on some detail in your story, he isn't going to stop and think "Oh, right, this is just a story" before he shits his brick. It is the contrast of their harmless and false first impression with some sinister reality which generates such a strong response; as an author, this is one of the most exploitable weaknesses in your readers' "It's just a story" defenses.
>> Anonymous
the flummox is going to flummox you good
>> Anonymous
Once in an online thread, there was this man who posted the secrets of how creepypastas work. He spoiled an epic candidate, and ended the thread.

After that, he rests his eyes and laid back in his chair.

"Creepy stories are bullshit...", he smirks.

He opens his eyes to see the monitor showing a weird image of himself with a girl with red eyes beside her. The image looks somewhat like a reflection, with him staring back at him.

He moved.

The image also moves.

He felt something beside him.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
relevant to my internets
>> Anonymous
.......from.. where are that pic ]??movie?
>> Anonymous

Good outline. Flesh it out.

Have a good reason for the reader to expect a red eyed girl
>> Anonymous
I once had this dream where there is this rogue planet coming from the center of the galaxy towards earth.
Earth goes into mass production of nukes to blow the shit out of it before it gets to earth. By the time it gets to Jupiter it slows down, the governments of the earth seize this chance to shoot the nukes at it only to find terrifying results...
>> Anonymous
It was not a planet, it was actually giant coiled space worm, which to the dismay of humans evade the missiles swiftly. It then proceeded to eat Mars magma core causing it to implode on itself. Earthlings saw in terror as the giant beast resumed its course to Earth.
By the time it got to the moon and humanities last hour
everyone went batshit insane as humans always do in this situations only to find the space worm died in space and landed on the moon...

can i turn this into a story /x/
I only need the reason as to why it died and I can write a story...
>> Anonymous
That's kinda cool.
>> Anonymous
it evaded the nuke, but was dead? and a creature big enough to eat mars' core would cause the earth to spin off its gravitation axis, ending life anyway.
>> Anonymous
i was thinking that the worm could have died because planets are alive and this planet called earth has an immune system against space creatures

namely sentients beings brain activity
but it doesnt make sense so fix it if you like
it was only a dream and in MY dream that things ends up eating the planet killing us all...
better ending?
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Sharks swim in water.
There's water in the toilet.
Need I say more?
>> Anonymous
Sci-fi. Not creepy. Not good sci-fi either because it doesn't make sciency sense.

Like most dreams, if presented as-is then by story standard sits garbage.

But there are cool ideas in it. Dreams are always good for sweet images.

There is a certian, rimordial terror in suddenly finding that a celestial body is alive; seeing a living thirng powerful and aggressive enough to eat the core of a planet, much like the ancient gods of Lovecraft or Hellboy.

Also, the image of a dead space-worm on the moon is prett wicked.
>> Anonymous
I've always had a fear of having my feet hang over the edge of the bed when I sleep. For some reason, I fear that someone is going to cut them off.

Then I realized I'm a paraplegic. ;/
>> Anonymous
Be careful walking in the mountains in Japan. There are many strange and hostile spirits, such as the kuchisake-onna and the ravenous kappa. This, however, is the worst of them, and it can appear even in supposedly safe areas, such as the suburbs of Tokyo.
Be careful where you step and watch where your hands go, lest you disturb the lair of the swarming hell-beasts. In their anger they will spray flesh-melting acid into your eyes, and their sting feels like having red-hot nails ponded into your flesh. As you stagger around, blind and in pain, more and more will come, for as soon and one gets you, they bring others. You cannot run, because they can smell you after you've been marked with the aforementioned acid. They will descend upon you like the horsemen of the apocalypse, and will sting you until you die a horrible, painful death.

Oh wait was this supposed to be fiction?
>> Anonymous
Be careful walking in the mountains in Japan. There are many strange and hostile spirits, such as the kuchisake-onna and the ravenous kappa. This, however, is the worst of them, and it can appear even in supposedly safe areas, such as the suburbs of Tokyo.
Be careful where you step and watch where your hands go, lest you disturb the lair of the swarming hell-beasts. In their anger they will spray flesh-melting acid into your eyes, and their sting feels like having red-hot nails ponded into your flesh. As you stagger around, blind and in pain, more and more will come, for as soon and one gets you, they bring others. You cannot run, because they can smell you after you've been marked with the aforementioned acid. They will descend upon you like the horsemen of the apocalypse, and will sting you until you die a horrible, painful death.

Oh wait was this supposed to be scary?
>> The Shark In Question !z3tb9o3biA
     File :-(, x)
Hai guize, wats going on in here!?
>> Anonymous
We walk among you, live out our lives, without you having a clue as to who we are. Yet, we are in every level of the US Government. We are psychics. We guide missiles, almost every bit of communications technology these days has been derived from our minds. And yet, there are those who dissent against our silent hand in this government. Those who know.

The strongest among us can wipe the memories of millions in one fell sweep of our minds. We frequently reveal our existence to the entire world's population at once, only to wipe the truth from the memory of every mundane mind shortly thereafter, preserving the peace on earth.

This message has been posted to this bulletin board 400 times, only to be erased by the moderators and subsequently "forgotten" by the Anonymous users. But should it ever linger in your memory know this: we are no longer.

And the world as you know it is about to tear itself to pieces.
>> Anonymous

i think we have a winrar for this thread
>> Anonymous
This shit sucks.
This is the only one with a decent idea behind it. Though I have a soft spot for space/abyss leviathans, and pseudo-living planets sounds cool.
>> Malgroth the Drunk !O5yfRPuM5I
It's 2 am. You've been up since around 9 AM the previous day, running around doing errands before going to work. You get home around 10 pm, get online, and just chat to people. At 2 am, you crawl into bed, casually sprawling yourself out as so to get comfortable.

The room was warm earlier, so you had opened the window to let air flow in and get some ventilation going. You drift off to sleep.

Around 5 am, you wake up to the sound of two dogs barking, very loud, very annoying. It sounds like it's coming from under your room. You accept this as acceptable, because the room were they sleep actually is directly under you. You then hear them moving around the floor below you, and climbing up the stairs, trying to get into your room. You drift back to sleep, not wanting to bother with them.

The next morning, you wake up, shower, and get ready for a new day. You walk downstairs, climb over the first set of gates, and step into the kitchen. Upon stepping into the kitchen, you can't help but feel something is out of place.

You go to the back room to check on the dogs. Neither of them are there now. The security system is still on, and you're defiantly sure you didn't leave them outside over night. You climb over the second gate, when it dawns on you.

You own terriers. Your gates are metal, and undisturbed.
>> Anonymous
Not bad. Needs more brix.
>> Anonymous
Posted in /b/ tonight:
>05/24/08(Sat)05:20:05 No.69149798
>This just came to me, excuse any grammatical errors and fucking tired

>You notice how when people are scared at night they usually turn the lights on, well thats not always a good idea. Look around you, there is probly a window somewhere. is that window covered with something, blinds, curtains, or something of that sort. If not look out the window with the lights on. Yes even though you might be scared at night with he lights off at least you can see who is watching you through your windows

Another anon's "fix":

>You just turned the light on. You fucking pussy, turn it off, right fucking now. Turn if off and make sure all the blinds are open.

>You need to see what watches you.

Creepy writers seem to be moving away from the old-school "instructions" style (second-person future) and towards a sort of 'real time narration' (second-person present).

Also away from real-life easter eggs ("Go here, and if this happens, go there and...") and towards sort of an oh-shit-they're-going-to-get-you-right-now-unless-you-do-X.
I don't get it.
>> Anonymous
>> Anonymous
Close your eyes. All the way. So tightly it almost smarts.
Do you see those swirling darklights, all black and red and purple?
Most people will never pay attention to what should rightly be the back of one's eyelids. In truth, these lights are the place they watch you, every day.
They hide behind your eyelids, waiting for you to blink, to sleep. And they are the reason you die. Every night, every second they are eating your thoughts.

Whenever you try to remember something you know you knew yesterday and cannot it is not that you forgot it, but that it was consumed. And when you have

eventually run out of thoughts you will die an ignominious death. Cancer, heart attacks, strokes - every sudden disease you could name can be traced to them.
Blinking is only a little death. It's sleeping that they really thrive on. Hours of uninterrupted access to the softest parts of your thoughts.
You can, of course, try to stop sleeping altogether. It is possible. They found a Russian man from high in the mountains who claimed that he never slept,

ever, a day in his life. The man was 112 and healthier than most American 65-yr-olds. Physically, at least. He could remember every moment of his life from

the time he was three years old, if you could get it out of him.
The drawback is that the man was completely insane.
>> Anonymous
someone explain please
also can someone explain the "gates" thing? Does he have 2 gates in his yard?
>> Anonymous
referring to the "childproofing" gates set up in your house to keep the dogs from going upstairs, baby's room, kitchen, etc.
>> Anonymous
So a ghost... stole his dogs, put them next to his room, and then ran off with them?

Knowing what he meant by gates actually makes it LESS scary.
>> Anonymous
I fall asleep at 2 am one morning after hanging out with my friend. As i was leaving his house, i notice that the door has been unlocked the whole night we were there, and my friend is home alone. I figure telling him would just scare him. The next morning i wake up at 8 to the sound of my phone ringing. I look and see it is my friend, which is weird cause he usually sleeps in til noon, at least. I figure fuck him and go back to sleep. But he is surprisingly persistent and continues calling. Finally, i get up and answer the phone. I hear what sounds like half a word and then the phone goes dead. This just gets me more pissed. Im thinkin he just hung up on me. So i go into my phone memory to call him back, but my phone says he never called. Fucking weird. I try his cell but he doesn't pick up. I call his house and his mom answers, only shes crying. When i ask why shes says that my friend was murdered last night while he slept.
>> Anonymous
That needs to be worded A LOT better.
>> Anonymous
hairy eyes scare me
>> Anonymous
i wrote a badly worded story about why you feel safe at night in bed when you close youe eyes, it was so shit
>> Anonymous
>> Anonymous
They grow on you, feeding off of you. They cover your body. They itch. They annoy. They coat. They protect.

Physically, anyway.

Each day, as you get up, a lazy, zombie-esc feeling comes over you. Your conscious of your greasy body, your dirty teeth, your sleepy eyes. Yet your hair feels the strangest. Cold, wet, and demanding. You shampoo it, style it, worry about it. You shave it, trim it, dye it. Yet what does it do for you. More, what does it do TO you.

They grow thickest around your sensitive areas, especially your head and face. They rip out your thoughts, holding them, pushing them to their tips, forcing your body to waste valuable proteins to strengthen them. You forget a word, its sitting at the tip of your tongue, you are blabbing, guessing, and doing what? Scratching your head. You have embarrassed yourself, and you feel hot. Under the scalp.

As you die, your hair loosens, falls away, thinning, graying. It knows you have little time left. It attempts to save itself, clinging to the woolly sweaters and statically-charged shirts of the people around it. And when you die, as the skin rots away, your hair completely leaves your body, to be decomposed alongside your brain, of which it sucked out every last drop of life, and finished it's job.

Hair loss is even related to the most horrible ways to die, radiation sickness symptoms include hair-loss. The most notable side effect of chemo-therapy is hair-loss.

So next time you go to get a hair-cut, you'll wonder if you'll remember your first kiss.

As you shave, if you'll remember your anniversary.
>> Anonymous
brb waxin ma body
>> Anonymous
There isn't much time left, I can hear them unlocking my doors as I type. A few nights ago I was taking my usual shortcut home when I saw a homeless man walking ahead of me. He turned past a house, and I followed him a little suspicious. Getting a little close, I heard voices. Dark voices, evil voices. I know everything. I know what those shadows are, i know whats in the mirror, i alone knowe how to proteasdc

I bet your all wondering. why would we leave this up? why not just delete it? pretend it never happened? When he listened, when our secrets got into his head, his secrets got into ours. When, and if, you find out anything, keep your mouth shut. We'll kill you too.
>> Anonymous
anybody still there?
>> Anonymous
Everywhere I turn, it keeps happening. I join a conversation, and they all disperse. I ask about something, and the person acts like it doesn't exist. They act like I don't exist. even when people have no idea who i could be, like when I'm on my computer, it happens. Everytime i talk about something, everytime i bring it up, it just stops. By getting into something, am I ending it?
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
So, I work at a certain video game establishment here in Las Vegas. It's a slow night, and I get bored. I work behind the ticket counter giving prizes to drunk adults and scummy children. I'm in the stockroom, cleaning up the place, when a huge plush of Amy Rose falls on me. I'm kinda new, so this was the first time I'd handled one of these huge dolls before. I noticed something odd about this particular doll. You see, Amy wears a dress, and in this case, I realised the dress was removable! For some reason, I don't know why, I felt my fingers sliding down the cheap fabric, to the bottom of the skirt. I lifted it up to see if the doll was wearing panties. To my suprise, she wasn't. This is were it gets weird. I noticed there was a seam, right were there should be. That's when i noticed that I had a boner. My dick was hard for a doll! I don't know how i thought of it, but I found myself sliding the dress down over the doll's shoulders, and down to her waist. Then I began to rub the soft fur where the nipples would be. My cock was as hard as a rock. I licked the dolls neck fur, and slowly pulled the dress down to the feet and off. I slowly undid my belt buckle, and slid my pants down to the floor. I opened a razor blade and cut open the seam, right where the VAGINA would be. I laid the doll on the cold stockroom floor and kissed it as I inserted my cock. It felt so good! The soft fur rubbed against my dick and caressed it, i slowly started to fuck the doll, and thanks to the luxurious padding of inside, I came inside of a minute. I must not have heard the door being unlocked, because by the time I finished, a manager and a couple guys who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air!
>> Anonymous
Don't turn around.

It doesn't like to be seen.
>> Anonymous
>> Anonymous
A dark night in November a girl was babysitting for two small children. The children's parents said they would be gone until 2am, and the kids had gone to bed already.
The girl padded barefoot into the kitchen to get a drink, she tried to flick the light on, but nothing happened. Just then the lights in the rest of the house went off.
She went upstairs to check on the kids, but they were dead or something and then loads of creepy shit happened with a murderer or something I don't fucking know.

>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
can anyone fix this one and improve it?, i just made it and posted it on /b/.
Dear /b/tard, you fap all the time, thats a fact, but think about this, can you really be sure that you dont have one of these hidden somewhere in your home? with someone watching every moment of your daily life, including you fapping to CP, and you dont even know it. It really makes you think, how easy it is for anyone to get one of these and set it up hidden in your house, you wouldnt even know that youre been spyed. so be careful...
>> Anonymous
oh yeah, also it sucks and could be so much better
>> Anonymous
and it was meant for /b/
ok thanks
>> Anonymous
>"Their eyes were read".
>eyes were read".
>were read".
>> Anonymous
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
>> Anonymous
(Actual, original creepypasta here. Critique at will.)

Have you ever thought about your brain? The human brain is faster and more powerful than any mechanical computer. It enables us to feel emotion, think, and move among other things. Quite astounding, no? No wonder why scientists say, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste".

Scientists have also recently discovered that humans only use roughly ten percent of their brain. Think about that for a second; all of that complex computing and processing with ONLY ten percent. Many people would then ask, "Well then, what's the other ninety percent do?" Even the most advanced technology and most brilliant scientists cannot say.

There have been cases of people, mainly younger children, who have the mysterious "ability" to tap into more than the natural ten percent of their brain. They are incredibly intelligent, and some of them have even been recorded as having a "sixth sense" of sorts, able to see strange figures and even into the future.

There's a reason that nature locked away that ninety percent. Humans originally could use their brains fully; long, long ago. I hear that the last people who could use their brains in this fashion were the people of Atlantis, and we all know what happened to them. That "sixth sense" is really the ability to see the hidden things of this dimension; the nameless, grotesque inhabitants of the darkness. Those inhabitants have lived throughout eternity unseen by normal humans, and they wouldn't be too happy about being spotted.

So. Have you ever wished you were just a little smarter?
>> Anonymous
Heroes much?
5/10 for effort and originality.
Nice, however fails in the face of knowledge.

It is true that we only *consciously* use a certain amount of our brain, but the rest is far from black space. The rest is used sub-consciously. Short of evolving more brain, we have all of it used.

It also fails due to the fact that, even if you *don't* know the aforementioned, a lot of people know and believe the "You only use 5% of your brain" myth.
>> Anonymous

I still think I'm missing something here.
>> Anonymous
It was her eyes that first attracted me to her. I didn’t believe in love, but the
first time I gazed into her beautiful green eyes I knew she was the one.

I loved seeing myself reflected in those eyes, looking deep into her soul and
knowing I was a part of it. It’s kinda stupid, but I even wrote poetry about them. I
don’t remember much, but I told her “There’s so much life within your eyes, and so
much love”.

Oh God, I loved the way the light danced within them. I just couldn’t imagine not
being able to stare dreamily into them.

Now if I could just find a box that was half as beautiful as her eyes, I could stop
carrying them round in my pocket.

(It got posted on on Thursday. I'm so proud!)
>> Anonymous

not even that, we use most of it consciously, just not all at once. And each part of the brain is specialised for a certain job, one part of speech, one part for hearing, one part of short term memory, one part of long term memory, so on and so on.

as a bit of history, the reason why we believed it was only 10% is because back in the early days of psychiatry, lobotomies were all the rage and it was seen that people could still function with large chunks of the brain removed. But that's because of the aforementioned specialisation and the fact that other parts of the brain can be rewired and compensate for the loss of the parts removed
>> Anonymous
People say "Don't ask me how" in real conversation all the time. Typically, though, it isn't hard to imagine one or more explainations, they would just all be somewhat strange.

Alternately, the story is believable even though the reader probably wouldn't "know how" either. I mean, who the fuck hasn't seen a huge piece of furniture in a room with a small door?

Creepypasta is supposed to sound like it's real. It's unfair to judge it by criteria that would also cause you to dismiss a real story.
>> Anonymous

More to the point, this story seems completely trite and uncreepy, but the writing style is entertaining and easy to read.

If this author ever stumbled upon a genuinely creepy idea it'd probably make for good pasta.