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my fail-draft
Anonymous
Object Description: Object SCP-001 is comprised of a massive, main fungus and its spores. The primary fungus, dubbed the master cap, strongly resembles Amanita phalloides, a toxic mushroom found in some forests. However, unlike this deadly mushroom, the master cap is relatively docile. However, its newly coined species name hints at its unusual qualities: Amanita propagata. Amanita propagata has a massive off-white cap, roughly 7m in diameter, situated on a squat stem. Its secondary stem, however, is long and protrudes 2m out from under the cap and produces highly abnormal spores. Instead of landing in a location and growing as normal, these spores attach to organic substances and use a highly toxic integrase enzyme that causes nuclei to transcript RNA in an utterly chaotic fashion. The spores then feed their own RNA into the cell, causing cells to undergo mitosis at a greatly accelerated rate. These new cells, however, are not genetically identical copies; instead, they have no function other than producing new Amanita propagata spores. In roughly thirteen minutes after exposure, any organic material regardless of volume or mass is comprised of nothing more than fledgling Amanita propagata mushrooms. For unknown reasons, Amanita propagata can only grow after having harvested sufficient amounts of genetic material.
Additionally, root analysis has determined that, if it were to be moved, Amanita propagata would leave thousands of root fragments behind. These root fragments would undergo vegetative propagation almost immediately, leaving dozens more Amanita propagata behind. Due to the obvious danger in this, the specimen must not be moved.
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