http://zip.4chan.org/x/res/864961.html
scaring me will help]]> BOO]]> 4chan is so boring now]]>nobody is stopping you from leaving]]>Welcome to everyone on 4chan, circa 2005.]]>stfu newfag]]> someone direct me to somewhere with scary shit]]>try your mom's underwear drawer]]>Anonymoose>dear /x/, I am a whiny selfish faggot. blow me.
fix'd]]> Here. Read some SCP.]]>Anonymoosebah, red them all twice over, most of them suck huge hairy monkeyballs.]]>Object Class : Elucid
Special Containment Procedures: There are no standard special containment procedures on file for Item SCP-294. However, only personnel of security clearance level 2 or higher are allowed to interact with it (see document SCP-294a). SCP-294 is currently being stored in the 2nd floor personnel break room and is monitored by two guards of security clearance level 3 at all times.
Description: Item SCP-294 appears to be a standard coffee vending machine, the only noticeable difference being an entry touchpad with buttons corresponding to every alphanumeric character of the English language. Upon depositing fifty cents US currency into the coin slot, the user is prompted to enter the name of any liquid using the touchpad. Upon doing so, a standard 12-ounce paper drinking cup is placed and the liquid indicated is poured. Ninety-seven initial test runs were performed (including requests for water, coffee, beer, soda, and non-consumable liquids such as sulfuric acid, wiper fluid, and motor oil) and each one returned a success.]]> It is of note that after approximately fifty uses, the machine would not respond to further requests. After a period of approximately 90 minutes, the machine seemed to have restocked itself. It is also interesting to note that many caustic liquids that would have eaten through a normal paper cup seemed to have no effect on the cups dispensed by the machine.
Further testing is scheduled, especially for liquids of extreme temperatures such as molten metals and liquid nitrogen. As suggested, SCP-294 was moved to the 2nd floor personnel break room as a money-saving venture. Following incident 294-01, guards were stationed at the item and a security clearance became necessary to interact with it.]]> Document SCP-294a (regarding incident 294-01): On August 21, 2005, Agent Joseph ?????? attempted to utilize Item SCP-294 to obtain coffee during his alloted break time at 9:30 AM. At the request of Agent ????? ????????? "to see what it would do", ?????? requested "a cup of Joe" from the item. Moments after confirming the selection, Agent Joseph ?????? began to sweat profusely and complained of dizziness before collapsing. After being moved to the infirmary, the medical team recovered the contents of the cup dispensed by Item SCP-294; a foul-smelling combination of blood, bits of flesh, and other various bodily fluids. Most disturbingly, testing revealed the DNA sequence of the biological material dispensed by Item SCP-294 matched that of Agent ??????.
Agent ?????? made a complete recovery in the infirmary after four weeks of rest and intravenous hydration. X-rays and CAT scans showed no further signs of injury, and ?????? was released. Both agents were reprimanded. Recommend additional security placed in the area of Item SCP-294.]]> Addendum [SCP-294f]: After reviewing documentation on SCP-294, ??????????? suggested testing SCP-294's ability to 'retrieve' specific liquids from several distances. The theory [DATA EXPUNGED]. Included in ??????????? report was a suggestion of using SCP-294 as a method of assassination by draining a target's fluids. Use of SCP-294 in such a way is highly discouraged, primarily for the possibility of discovery.
Addendum [SCP-294g]: Attempts to use the paper cups delivered by SCP-294 to contain SCP-075's acid excretion resulted in failure. Apparently, the paper cups can only contain the liquid last selected in SCP-294's touchpad. Further testing of this phenomenon is scheduled.]]>Here's a crazy, novel idea