File :-(, x, )
RedPyramid !!jzO53oEvOFG
Ok /x/, Black Fedora has inspired me. I've decided to begin writing my own stories. Here goes nothing. Let me know what you think.

Drip Drip Drip. Drip Drip Drip. Drip Drip Dri- "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DRIPPING!" screams Rick at no one in particular. Rick lives alone, has no pets, and is in general, a very lonely man. However, for the past three days, all he has heard, constantly, 24 hours a day, is tapping. It almost sounds like a rain droplet hitting a window. But Rick has checked all his windows, he has checked all his faucets, everything. Anything that could possibly make a dripping noise, he has looked for. He decided that first thing in the morning, he'll call a plumber. If he can't find anything, he'll call an electrician. He'll call every special service in the damned phone book if he has to, but he WILL find out what this dripping noise is. So, he turns on his stereo, and goes to sleep. The dripping doesn't stop, but the music drowns it out mostly. The next morning, Rick gets the phone book. He calls plumbers, electricians, exterminators, everyone. And yet, no one can find anything inside or outside of his home that could be making this dripping noise. None of them even hear the noise.
>> Anonymous
WHO WAS DRIP
>> RedPyramid !!jzO53oEvOFG
-End-
>> Anonymous
>>871099
Fucking beat me to it.
>> RedPyramid !!jzO53oEvOFG
Seriously. Who was drip, etc; w/e. Just give me some real feedback.
>> RedPyramid !!jzO53oEvOFG
Bump for feedback
>> Anonymous
Kind of boring...
>> Anonymous
No bri/x/ were shat but I'd definitely read a story from you again. I look forward to your next.
>> RedPyramid !!jzO53oEvOFG
Bump for moar feedback.
>> Anonymous
wasn't expecting that. nice.
>> Anonymous
i enjoyed it
>> Anonymous
needs a lot of work. srsly.
>> Anonymous
Rick is having her periods?
>> SCPantera !3DiyzD/nhc
There's something missing there, can't quite put my finger on it. A few things you could change here and there to make it really creepy.

If anything though, I didn't like the tongue-in-cheek implication that he had been injured in a car accident and was just hearing all this crap in his dreams. Good premise, it just came off as a little cheesy at the end there.

Try this:
-man hears dripping
-man hears voices encouraging him not to give up
-man goes nuts from dripping
-man kills self to stop noises
-cut to doctors comforting family of now dead accident patient in hospital as a nurse turns off the dripping IV
>> Anonymous
thats was shit
>> Anonymous
It's a good idea. But I hate exclamation marks, your reader is (hopefully) intelligent enough to know when something is shocking, you don't need an exclamation mark to make them go :0 OMG :|.
You could probably take out the "he has looked for." in the first paragraph because it would still make sense without it and short sentences make more of a dramatic impact.
Also "The dripping doesn't stop." Would be a better sentence than "...doesn't stop, the music drowns it out mostly".
It would be cool if the dripping sound get louder and louder, that would build up suspence. When he kills himself it just doesn't feel like he's that crazy, that desperate.
>> Anonymous
I liked it, fuck you guys.
>> Anonymous
HURM. Ten out of ten for the idea, minus several million for the execution of it. Remember: show, not tell. Instead of telling us that Rick lives alone and is lonely, SHOW IT. Describe how he usually lives, maybe part of his daily routine, and then explain how the incessant dripping is disrupting it. Also, when he does kill himself, it's too soon. It needs either a) moar time to build tension, or b) a greater sense of isolation. Stabbing himself in a bar surrounded by people highlights the crazy, but it feels like the means to an end. It would be more poignant if he was alone and despairing over this thing that only he can hear.

tl;dr Your story needs moar of everything.